That Time My Blog Demanded Plastic Surgery {Plus Six Great Resources for Customizing Basic Blogs}

My blog hasn’t had a midlife crisis in a while, so it was no surprise to me when over the weekend it tried to sneak out to get hair implants and then began demanding a Porsche. I firmly said no while doing more important things, like creating that raindrop decal accent wall in K’s nursery. But when it began whining about its liver spots and then threatened to look up its old beaus on Facebook, I said whatever, enough is enough and offered a simple facelift as collateral. It appears to have been appeased with its new header and fonts and colors, but I’ve hidden the steroids just in case.

Speaking of blog facelifts, I’ve done various simple things over the years—obviously nothing major; I’m just using Blogger as a platform, after all—and have spent a lot of time googling all around for clear tutorials containing certain information about how to customize a Blogger blog. I thought I’d save some of you the googling around and compile helpful resources all in one tiny little post; unless you like the googling around, of course, in which case please don’t let me interfere. But might I recommend instead searching for something more exciting like hair implant fails? And then report back to me with your findings.

Visit the following links to learn how to…

1. Create a custom blog header. Say your blog was called That Time I Got a Chin Job and Other Midlife Musings. You could make a totally customized header that featured a close-up of your…chin job. 
2. Create a custom navigation bar OR create custom side tabs. Tabs like Nostalgia and Waxing would look great in a hip new font.
3. Center your navigation tabs. In case you don’t want Nostalgia and Waxing cuddling up in left alignment.
4. Create custom social media icons. You know, so your blog can connect with its old beaus.
5. Create a custom blog background. This could feature repeated images of your favorite bands from the 70s.
6. Create a thumbnail image gallery. This way you can give sneak peeks of all your before and afters. Refer to #1.

Ooooookay. I’ve officially poked way too much fun in the direction of midlife crisis. This will probably come back to haunt me in 35 years when I am trying to buy cheetah-print shorts at Aeropostale and some super hilarious 27-year old cashier is rolling her eyes at me. Signing off now.

P.S. If you’ve made a tutorial about blog customization OR know of another good one, please feel free to add it in the comments! :)

BlogHer Publishing Honor: Teaching Post

Remember this post I recently wrote about teaching? Humbled and honored I am to have had BlogHer ask to syndicate it on their website. I hope it can encourage anyone who knows the challenges and rewards of being in the education field. I also hope that the ELA state test in April doesn’t ask my 7th graders what the major U.S. political party is in addition to Republican, because they will answer with things like “Americans,” “the President,” and “terrorists.”

The previous represents my classroom LOL moment of the week, even though I tactfully waited to LOL until the kids were gone.

You can check out the BlogHer page here.

Have a great weekend, everyone! :)

Year in Review: 2012 Blog Silliness

Upon reviewing the 2012 version of my blog, I have come to this conclusion: I have a habit of taking some totally normal topic and making it completely weird. And occasionally awkward. But I also came to the conclusion that being able to say whatever I want is actually why I enjoy writing this thing. So here’s to another year of silliness around these parts, and here’s to 10 crazy moments from this past year. :)

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Top 10 “Why Did I Say That on the Internet and When Will I Learn Not to Mention Boobs in My Posts?” Moments of 2012

#1: The crazed acknowledgment of the time my cat became an artist (pronounced arteest), complete with a movie poster. Because all respectable prodigious cats have movies about their distinguished lives. And all respectable prodigious cat owners take the time to make movie posters for said prodigious cats.

#2: Divulging clinical symptoms of new homeowneritis, including but not limited to me wearing a lampshade on my head. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more awkward.

#3: Discussing stool in conjunction with a stool makeover. It should have been a totally normal day on my blog. But apparently the word ‘stool’ is just too much for me to handle, as made evident by my multiple awkward references to potty business.

#4: Discussing bras in conjunction with an oversized ampersand. This is another post that should have been totally normal. But of course I had to go ruin it by mentioning lingerie.

#5: Explaining a chandelier update, and simultaneously going down the endowment path. Again. Some people never learn.

#6: Shameless promotion of shelves full of things I found in someone else’s trash. It’s a sickness.

#7: Comparing our “grown-up” bedroom makeover to bedrooms of yore, including one of my dorm rooms. Kittens. Teacups. Scary.

#8: Repeatedly confessing my love for Enchanted and forever sealing my nerdy princess fate by sharing the events in this post.

#9: Scoring a 10/10 on the Delusion Meter when it comes to having claws and vinyl-upholstered furniture in the same house. Hint: it doesn’t work. Your DIY ottoman will be destroyed.

#10: The post you just read…ensuring that nobody ever, ever, ever forgets these moments. Like, ever. (ohheyTaylorSwiftsongreferencefeelfreetosingalong)

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Happy New Year, everyone! :)

***Linking this up to Southern Hospitality***

Four Good Reasons For Falling Off the Face of the Blogging Earth

Reason #1: Your computer is mysteriously abducted by aliens, who demand a reasonable sum of eighty nine million dollars for its safe return.

Reason #2: Your cats insist that you pet them no fewer than 34,120 strokes per day, leaving you basically only enough remaining time to do other important things like vacuum the coat closet and organize your sock drawer.

Reason #3: You recently fell prey to a vicious disease that allows you to eat nothing except oil of cod and also renders you incapable of moving your fingers, and your breath smells so bad from the cod that you are forced into a perpetual state of gargling Scope.

Reason #4: You discover that you are next-of-kin to 18 orphaned children and they move in, bringing with them an insatiable need for grilled cheese and apple juice and gummy bears, so you’ve spent the last two weeks sleeping in the supermarket aisles in case of emergency.

None of these, of course, explain why I personally parachuted off of the blogging earth and crash-landed somewhere north of a distant galaxy, where I’ve spent the last two weeks perfecting my tan and constructing shelters out of earwax and animal carcasses.

I learned how to do this in Girl Scouts right after selling Thin Mints and knitting potholders.

I’ve sent out an urgent S.O.S. and am anxiously awaiting word of my rescuers.

Until then…

November Challenge Details: Eat Your Cake and Craft It, Too?

Happy Wednesday! Today, projects from last week’s craft challenge are being featured at Newly Woodwards and View Along the Way. Go check them out! I was seriously impressed with the projects this month. I know I would have a hard time choosing my favorites! Thank you to everyone who linked up. :)

And now for details about the last Random Acts of Craftiness challenge of 2012. (Remember that we’re taking a break for December and will pick back up again in January.) The challenge category for November is…

From the Grocery Store

Link party dates: Wednesday, November 28th—Sunday, December 2nd*

*This link party is staying open longer because I didn’t give you quite as much notice as last time. It’s also a busy time of year!

There are tons of possibilities for November’s category. You can use any packaging or non-food products, or even food itself! I am excited to tackle this one. Just remember that you want to aim for something fresh, not stale. Avoid the day-old section. But you could put your own spin on something that’s been done before!

November Cheerleader: I’ve invited Lady Gaga to be our cheerleader of the month. It only seemed fitting what with her inspiring meat dress. I, in fact, envision an entire meat room. I’ve always dreamed of lounging on a chaise made of ground turkey. That would be highly practical, no? (No.) Our real cheerleader this month is Karianne from Thistlewood Farms. She is a queen of creative and clever repurposing, and I’m thrilled she has agreed to cheer us on.

November Giveaway: All who link up this month are automatically entered in the giveaway. This month, it’s a handmade book from Hardcover Art. Each of Alma’s books (sketch books, photo albums, or journals) are made from vintage hardcover books. You can even send her a book that she will make into a notebook for you! Seeing this Nancy Drew one is a total blast from the past. I like to think that I could be Nancy Drew when I grow up. Do you think she and Kate Beckett trained together?

“My Favorite Challenge Project” Link Contest: Don’t forget that when all of this madness is over in April, we will have a “My Favorite Challenge Project” link party/contest, judged by Sarah of Thrifty Décor Chick. You will link up your favorite project(s), then Sarah will select 5 of HER favorite projects from that “best of” party, and then those 5 will then be voted on by YOU. The top project overall will win our final prize package, which contains 30 cans of Krylon spray paint and gift certificates to Fabric.com and Cutting Edge Stencils!

Finally, you don’t have to have participated in previous month’s challenges to participate now, so all are welcome. Drive to Wegmans immediately! They’re expecting you. ;)

Any questions? Are you in? Who plans to make a meat chaise?

*Psst…check out the September and October projects to see what participants have come up with so far!*

A Cativersary, a Reminder, and Features (aka Three Completely Unrelated Things)

In honor of it being Friday, and Seafood Bisque Day, I’ve compiled three completely unrelated pieces of information that are also, incidentally, completely unrelated to Friday and seafood bisque.

I do what I can.

First: We recently celebrated a cativersary. And by cativersary, I mean we have had Zoe for just over a year now. And by celebrated, I mean we discussed how I could never again count on Rick to be the strong, sensible type who could turn a blind eye to homeless furry faces.

Seriously, though, the day we turned from a 2-cat household into a 3-cat household ended up being such a good thing. Zoe and Gingerbread play (and nap) together—and leave our older kitty alone. They’re friends. Well, maybe frenemies. Like some of my 7th grade female students, only more reasonable. And I’ve never seen them travel to the bathroom together.

Second: The next Random Acts of Craftiness party is in just 12 days. Raise your hand if Erin hasn’t done her project yet. (Have you?) I promise I’ll pull something together. Hardware store, here I come. Don’t forget, either, about the final prize package in April’s “My Favorite Project” link party—one lucky participant will win 30 cans of Krylon spray paint and gift certificates to Fabric.com and Cutting Edge Stencils! Go here for more challenge details. :)

Third: While I’ve done absolutely nothing, or maybe even less than nothing, in the way of fall décor this year, last year’s granny pumpkin has been featured at both Dollar Tree Crafts and Pillsbury.com. I am happy to report that the embarrassing grannified photo of me that accompanied said pumpkin was not included.

What are you doing in honor of Friday and Seafood Bisque Day?

The Peaceful Coexistence of Blogger, Windows Live Writer, and Custom Permalink

I’ve been hearing this word permalink quite frequently around the blogosphere lately. From what I gather, here’s what I need to know, as a blogger, about permalink:

1. A permalink is the URL of a specific blog post.
2. Permalink that aligns with search terms people type into Google can make your blog more search engine-friendly.
3. This is apparently a good thing.
4. When I write a blog post, Blogger assigns my post an automatic permalink. This is usually the first few words of the blog post’s title.
5. My titles are usually wacky and nothing even close to anything anyone searches for in Google. Therefore, nobody finds my blog posts via Google when the titles are wacky.
6. This is apparently a bad thing.
7. But there is hope: I can create custom permalink using Blogger with non-wacky words in it!
8. Except…I don’t use Blogger to type my posts anymore. For a variety of reasons, including the ease of resizing pictures right in the post, I switched to Windows Live Writer about a year ago. And the kicker: Windows Live Writer doesn’t yet have a feature that allows me to create custom permalink. So all of my permalinks contain the fragments of my wacky titles…and nobody finds them when they search on Google.
9. This is apparently a bad thing.

But fear not, fellow Blogger-Windows Live Writer users: there is actually an easy way to have both the wacky titles that I hold near and dear to my heart AND harder-working blog posts. (The number of people that use WLW and Blogger like I do is yet to be determined, but for now we’ll pretend that there is a giant herd of Blogger-WLW bloggers out there dying to make custom permalink for their blog.)

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1. Create a new post in Blogger. Yes, in Blogger. Ignore the inferior custom perm-less WLW for the time being. Type in your title, and make it wacky. You know you want to.

2. Click on the “Permalink” tab on the right. Select “Custom Permalink” and type in the text that will be more search engine-friendly. Include dashes between each word. For this post, I typed in “how-to-create-custom-permalink-in-windows-live-writer-and-blogger.” Click “Save.”

3. Open Windows Live Writer and click the “Open” folder for all posts. Click on your blog’s name. These are the posts that you began writing in Blogger versus in Windows Live Writer. See the name of this post right there at the top of the pop-up window?

4. Open up the post for which you just created custom permalink. Proceed as usual with the writing of your post. You cannot change the permalink once the blog post has been published, which is why I changed it before I even began writing the post in the first place.

5. The end. Yes, that’s it. You know your mind is blown. I never even knew rocket science was my strength. Maybe I missed my calling…. ;)

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Do you customize your permalink? Are you of the Wacky Title persuasion? Who was productive this weekend? I was not. I discovered the world of petite fashion blogs. Aaand that’s all we need to say about that.

Psstt…want to see some of the bizarre things people have searched for and subsequently found my blog? Visit here and here.

Marriage Secrets, Revealed

Have you ever wondered how Rick and I met, or if I ever committed a childhood no-no against him when we were kids, or any “behind-the-scenes” details that make a young marriage work?

Well, wonder no more.

Faith emailed me asking if I’d participate in her marriage series she put together to honor the 10th anniversary that she and her husband just celebrated, so of course I said yes. (Happy anniversary, Faith!) I am obviously not an expert, or even close to being an expert, and am being humbled every day as I learn how to be the best wife that I can be.

Marriage is one of those things, though, that you start learning “how to do” as soon as you say “I do.” So I have a bit over four years of experience on my résumé, and I also have parents whose 30-year marriage is an amazing testimony to the power of forgiveness and the Lord’s healing, and can confidently share a few things that I know for certain will make a marriage better.

And I also share the time I tattled on Rick when we were kids. Apparently that wasn’t enough to scare him off?

So go check it out here: Life with Mrs. G and the Artist. Thanks for inviting me, Faith!

And because I am curious, and if you want to appease my nosiness, all you married folks can tell me: how long have you been married? How did you meet your spouse? Let’s celebrate our happily ever afters. :)

Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Deliciousness

WARNING: There’s a very good chance that you will gain weight simply by reading this post. Proceed with caution and a full stomach. And maybe a shake weight or two.

Rick’s birthday was last week, and he loves peanut butter and chocolate like I love cats. Except I don’t usually eat cats. Keeping this in mind, I asked him if he wanted chocolate peanut butter cookie dough cupcakes for his birthday dessert. He said yes. So I made them, following this recipe from Gimme Some Oven that I found on Pinterest.

I didn’t take pictures of my own cupcakes. They weren’t this pretty, anyway.

The best part was the eggless peanut butter cookie dough “frosting.” You’ll just have to trust me when I say that it tastes way better than it looks based on my food photog skillz.

Note to self: use this dough at the next baby shower where they want to play the guess-what-delicacy-is-in-the-diaper game.

We had a whole bunch of the dough leftover, so I decided to freeze it into tiny dough balls so that we could make our own peanut butter cookie dough ice cream. Because I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and, really, why hasn’t anyone invented peanut butter cookie dough ice cream? Maybe I will market it and make millions. I need to work on how my peanut butter dough balls look, though, because nobody wants to eat things that look like turds. Except me, obviously. But that goes without saying.

Yum, turds.

Are you a chocolate-peanut butter fan? What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Who wants me to market my peanut butter turd dough ice cream?

Five Etsy Finds for Under $20

Happy Friday, everyone! I’ve decided to do a monthly feature of some handmade Etsy products that I’ve come across, with a focus on home items that are $20 and under. Because who doesn’t love cool stuff that doesn’t hurt the wallet? I wasn’t paid or perked by any of these Etsy shops: I simply wanted to feature their affordable work!

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1. Precious sweetness overload. I obviously don’t have kids yet, but what a sweet truth this must be when you become a mama. It’s just one of many adorable prints from Pretty Prints by Cristy. The one below is just $4.50 for the digital 8x10 version that you can print yourself, or you can upgrade to a custom color for just $1 more!

2. This cute coupon organizer from In His Name. It can easily slip into your purse. I could actually fit about 10 of them in my gigantic man-eating purse. (Seriously, my purse eats the things I put in there. Like men. I haven’t seen Rick in days.) With 10 of these in my purse, I could be those people on Extreme Couponing who buy 185 bottles of ketchup for $1.40 total and then store them in their attic.

3. State love from Poppy and Pinecone. Here’s Florida. I picked Florida because I am long overdue for a trip to Disneyworld. And I’ll be able to afford it with all the money I save from that extreme couponing.

4. Attention animal lovers: this is the Etsy shop for you. These beautiful 7x10 animal watercolors from Jason Paints are BOGO free right now! He has all sorts of animals from cats to elephants to cats to owls. And did I mention cats? I especially like this fun colorful octopus. Not as cuddly as a cat, I’d imagine, but all those extra legs would have to be good for something. Like putting away all of my ketchup.

5. Last but not least, this screen-printed pillow from Gracious Home. When I get back from Florida and still have money left because I saved so much by eating exclusively ketchup while I was there, I’ll sail around the world on my yacht. Which will have this pillow on it.

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Which is your favorite item? And just for fun and because I am curious: If you’ve been to Disney, what’s your favorite thing there? What state would you like to visit soon? (Say New York to visit Erin if you’d like some virtual brownie points.)

Dining Room Chairs a la Downton Abbey

My life includes a long history of joyful oblivion. This is partially because I am biologically predisposed to be the last person my age to get my period and partially because I live under a very nice rock. For example, I only last week figured out why those stupid Make 7/Up Yours t-shirts were banned from school.

To be fair, though, it was really the first time I had thought about that particular piece of attire since being an Adult who knows Things. The last time I thought about it, I was playing with a Tamagotchi and wearing saddle shoes. Obviously that was last month.

Speaking of things that were banned from school.

So it should surprise no one that I didn’t even hear of Downton Abbey until a couple months ago when it had already completed two full seasons, at which point I proceeded to call it DowntoWn Abbey, because, you know, that makes sense, and what the heck is a “downton” anyway. But Rick and I finally hopped on the proverbial wagon and instantly got sucked in, prompting dinnertime conversation regarding whether or not we should move to England so we can watch Season 3 sooner and why Thomas needs to be devoured by a pack of hungry wolves, preferably with the ex-Mrs. Bates stapled to him at the time.

But now we have finished Season Two, and are going through withdrawal. Or something. It’s caused us to do weird things like google pictures of what the characters actually look like in the 21st century (hint, Ms. O’Brien isn’t actually a frumpy old maid) and trying to find a dress like Lady Mary’s.

I even went so far as to buy mismatched shield back chairs that are just like the mismatched ones at Downton.

Actually, I’m not quite that lame. Actually, I acquired those 8 chairs via two separate Craigslist purchases for a total of $150 long before we watched Downton, with big plans to give them makeovers at some point during my life. I did, however, spend several episodes squealing “THOSE ARE OUR CHAIRS!” whenever the Granthams ate dinner, and I also commended Lady Grantham for her excellent taste in people who decorate her home. We are practically twins.

Now I just need to work on my inability to sit around and do nothing. And probably my posture.

-Lady Erin

P.S. Since I haven’t yet been identified as a Grantham heiress, I have to work, and like I mentioned in my last post, I got a new job. Since some of you were wondering, the abbreviated version is: I will now be teaching 7th and 10th grade English at a school just 10 minutes from our house. I have been driving 45, so this is definitely exciting and an answer to prayer!

Pool Boys and My Plot to Own Ducklings

By giving myself a slight bloggy break over the past few weeks, I have managed to accomplish a lot of…absolutely nothing in the way of home improvement. We’ve chosen instead to do all of the following:

• lots of family stuff
• get a new job for next school year (me)
• join the rest of the world in its love affair with Downton Abbey
• pet the cats
• open the pool
• hire a pool boy.

This particular pool boy came with his own pool girl.

Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Mallard have chosen our now-open pool as their private waterfront residence. It’s like the Hamptons, for ducks.

They apparently didn’t get the memo that there is a lake approximately 150 feet away.

This is, of course, an improvement over the black lagoon that we dealt with last year.

But, nonetheless, Rick would like them to stop pooping on the rim around the pool. Gingerbread would like to eat them. I would like them to have babies, and have told them so.

So far, they aren’t complying with any of our wishes.

Have you ever had any unexpected animal guests? Any pool stories to share? Who wants to help me name the ducklings?

Strawberry Raspberry Galette Slab Pie

I know what you’re thinking. What? Erin is posting a recipe? The same girl who proclaims to make brussel sprouts that taste like battery acid? Yes.That girl is posting a recipe—sort of. “Sort of” because it’s not my recipe—it’s Faith’s of The Stirring Place, who generously agreed to guest post over here. Read on for Faith’s drool-inducing berry dessert!

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You and I are about to go somewhere special.
(No, not the Caribbean like our girl Erin, but someplace just as great.)
It's a little place I like to call nostalgia.

See, once upon a time there was a girl who loved berries and summertime.
They were ultimate companions and the berry best of friends. (har har)

One day this girl found an effortless berry recipe whose first bite brought back wistful memories of warm June afternoons.

Let me take you there...

There are a lot of recipes out there that claim ease but leave you flour-dusted and fuming.
This isn't one of them.

Although it gives you results of which Martha Stewart would be proud, it's truly as simple as 5 ingredients.

That's right, FIVE.

Break out that apron girl.

Strawberry & Raspberry Galette (Slab Pie)
slightly adapted from The Family Kitchen

1.5 cups each fresh strawberries and raspberries (total 3 cups)

1 prepared round of pie dough

1 egg white

4 tablespoons butter

1/4 cup sparkling sugar

Place the round of pie dough on a parchment lined baking sheet. Wash and dry the berries, then place them in a heap right in the center of your pie dough. Carefully fold the edges of the pie dough around the berries, pinching it together to keep the edges in place. Melt the butter and drizzle half of it over the berries. Whisk the egg white into the remaining bit of butter. With a basting brush, spread the butter/egg mixture all over the edges of the pie crust, then sprinkle with sparkling sugar. Bake in an oven preheated to 425 degrees for 25-30 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve piping hot with giant scoops of vanilla ice cream.

See, I told you it was simple.

Notes:

1. I used fresh strawberries and raspberries but any combination of fresh berries will work. (Oooh, just think of the lovely color combinations!) Use one kind or three, just make sure to keep the quantity at 3 cups.
2. Buy a good quality pre-made crust. This is important.
3. If you have cracks in your unrolled pie crust use a dab of water and your fingers to pinch the cracks together. You want a completely crack-free dough, otherwise your fruit will ooze out while baking.
4. I divided the butter and let one half cool a bit while I drizzled the other half on the fruit. I wanted it to cool a bit before adding whisking w the egg white (curdling is bad.)
5. I didn't use the entire 1/4 c sparkling sugar. I just covered the crust completely and discarded the rest. *This step is very important though so don't skip it, otherwise your galette will be tart as there's no other sugar in this recipe at all.*
6. I used a pizza cutter to cut and serve my galette as I would a pizza. It worked great. (see above photo)
7. You must, and I repeat MUST, serve this with ice cream (vanilla is my fave.) It takes this dessert from great to AMAZING. Don't skip it.
8. Anyone else like the word "galette" as much as I do? It sounds so impressive and French. I mean you ARE a baking rock-star. No one but us needs to know that fancy can be easy too.
    

Thanks so much Erin! Anyone else as ready for summer as I am now?

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Yes! Summer, I am ready for you! Eight weeks from today is the last day with students. Not that I’m counting, or anything. ;)

What’s your favorite summer-y dessert? I’ve always been a shortcake–with-peaches-or-berries-or-even-both girl, so Faith’s dessert is right up my alley. :)