File this post under “Things I Know Now that I Wish I Knew Then.”
Once upon a time or yesterday, I realized that getting your first set of house keys messes with your brain. The words “closing” and “homeowner” and “mortgage” cause you to break into fits that can only be described as symptoms of “New Homeowner Euphoria.”
Symptoms include (but are not limited to):
1) A feeling of being superhuman, like you can knock down walls and closets and put up new drywall all in one day and still have time to watch Titanic that evening and maybe even get in a round of Monopoly.
2) A haphazard approach to list-making, characterized by overly general “things to do” such as one: remove carpet; two: stain floors; three: move in furniture; four: *accessorize*!! :).
3) Severe decorating ADHD, characterized by flitting from one project to the next before finishing the previous. Characterized by conversations such as “What would you think about porcelain tiles in the upstairs bathroom?” “That would be great; when should we knock out that wall between the kitchen and the office?” Characterized by the cracked windowseat still not being sanded and painted after you wood-filled it four months ago…
…BUT you somehow found the time to sew a pillow for your bedroom in that span of time.
4) An insatiable desire to paint every wall in the house, fulfilled by slapping some Valspar on any wall in the house, with no discernible thought about why you are choosing those colors.
5) Impulses that make you take photos like this and post it on your blog, and then post it on your blog again in a post about the disease that made you do that in the first place.
What does it take to be cured of this disease, you ask?
1) Own a house for more than a year.*
*Results may vary. 2 out of 2 recently surveyed homeowners** found that one year of home ownership was enough to quell the unbridled insanity with which they once pursued home projects.
**Only two homeowners*** were surveyed.
***One of the homeowners was a pharmacist and, therefore, you should trust him.
Did you succumb to New Homeowner Euphoria, or did you get your vaccine? Is there anything you did right away that you wish you didn’t, or have since changed? Better question: have you gotten over it if you’ve owned a house for more than a year?