That time a sewing machine diagram kicked my butt.

So I realized over the weekend that there’s this soul-crushing presence that nobody ever talks about. And no, I’m not referring to the grown-up realization that Full House is incredibly corny or the cat barf that you find lurking in a dark corner like four months after it was, um, deposited.

I’m referring to sewing machine guides. Specifically the diagrams in sewing machine guides. Specifically the diagrams in sewing machine guides that are supposed to GUIDE you. And ideally not off of a cliff.

Because let’s face it: this is the worst diagram ever and it probably wants to eat my soul for breakfast.

According to this diagram and its sorry use of arrows, you should use a decapitated finger to assemble the thread as such:

Obviously.

Did I mention that I have had zits larger than the actual size of that diagram? What you see featured here is the I-zoomed-in-with-my-camera version. Real estate in Quick Start guides is apparently slim.

Seriously, all I wanted to do was wind the bobbin.

Somebody get me some chocolate.

Has a diagram ever crushed your soul? Sharing is healthy. Unless it’s zit measurements. Usually that’s a bad idea. Now you tell me.

Curtains: The Only Thing a Newborn Really Needs (Obviously)

We are rocking this nursery progress thing. How do I know? Because in the two months since the room was painted, we’ve made and hung curtains.

Fabric from here

I know you are amazed at our speed and efficiency.

Really, though. A crib? Optional. Storage? Unnecessary. Diapers? Overrated.

But curtains? A must-have.

We are clearly 100% ready for the arrival of our baby girl. Soon-to-be parents of the year, right here.

In our defense, this summer has been a bit busier than usual…and we are waiting to set up the nursery furniture until the upstairs is carpeted so that we don’t have to move it all in and then back out again. And we have a list of exactly 46 things that need to be done before carpet can be installed. And by 46 things, I don’t mean 46 things things like “sweep the floor.” I mean things like “skimcoat the bedroom walls” and “install new trim.” You know, things that require a few more than 8 seconds of time on task and people who don’t take accidental 2.5 hour naps instead of cleaning the house.

I’m happy to report, though, that despite *someone’s* snoozing, 28 of the 46 things are DONE. The other 18 will be done in time to have carpet installed before school starts again in September. If I type it, it will come true, right? Here are the answers you may choose from:

A. “RIGHT Erin; you’re not delusional at all. But even if you are delusional, and the upstairs will never be done in that time frame, you can always have your baby sleep in a hammock hanging from that ladder.”

B. “RIGHT Erin; you’re not delusional at all. Let me come over with a fresh batch of brownies and finish everything for you.”

C. “RIGHT Erin; you’re not delusional at all. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.” (I will kindly excuse the poor comparison and largely misguided use of a cliché.)

Do let me know which answer you’ve chosen. ;)

Smile, I Made a Gold-Painted “Smile” Pillow

I participated in the following conversation last week:

Rick: Where did you get that from?

Erin: I made it.

Rick: No you didn’t.

Erin: Um, yes I did.

Rick: But it’s so perfect.

Erin: Thank you?

This was my first attempt at painting fabric, and I just used regular white fabric and water-based acrylic paint I had left from this drippy watercolor dot painting. I know some people have mixed the paint with something called fabric medium or something like that, but I didn’t. This is mainly because I don’t know what that even is, AND it was not in my immediate possession. Smile, I am clueless. And impatient.

Aaaand then I stuffed it with fiberfill from a deformed pillow that came with an old comforter. Sometimes things just have to be sacrificed in the name of cheap.

Seriously, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner…instead of buying the sometimes-pricey bags of fiberfill from the craft store, buy the old ugly pillows that are on clearance because nobody wants them. And then destroy them, which technically should have been done before they ever hit the stores and/or homes in the first place. This one would be a perfect victim, for example:

Source

On that note…some things that make me smile lately other than the thought of burning that pillow:

• Feeling my baby do gymnastics at all hours of the day.
• Spending time with my brother who is home from Arizona for a bit.
• Watching my dad beam with absolute pride and excitement as he directs the orchestra of Les Miserables…of which I am a (mostly) willing participant on the French horn.
• The hilarious comments of the 5 and 6-year olds at summer rec arts and crafts (“I can see seven germs on my desk!”).
• Watching Rick have three potential job prospects within two weeks of finding out that his pharmacy (at a long-term care facility) is going to be outsourced…and all within four days of applying for said jobs. That whole deal isn’t over yet--and definitely didn’t begin with either of us smiling--but we’ve cast our anxieties on the Lord and He is so clearly already showing His faithfulness. :) :) (That deserves TWO smiles.)

What makes YOU smile lately?

DIY Lace Overlay Pillow

It’s been a while since I’ve made a pillow. Let’s correct that immediately. I think that this time, I’ll channel my inner granny and make a project using….lace.

DIY Lace Overlay Pillow

I was inspired by this pillow at Pier 1. My fancy supplies consist of an old window valance and a red t-shirt that had been relegated to the donation pile--and a cat who makes it her personal business to be in as many photos as possible.

The whole thing is quite simple if you don’t use a stretchy old t-shirt for your base fabric, in which case it becomes significantly more difficult because, well, it stretches. (Who knew?) And this is not what you want when trying to create something uniform-looking. Pillows, like most people, shouldn’t wear spandex-like attire. My pillow is a little wonky at spots because of the unevenly stretched fabric. I may have been aiming for perfection, but “good enough” is acceptable when it comes to this sort of thing.

Don’t be like me. Use real fabric.

I cut the lace larger than the pillow front itself so that there would be plenty of overlap and it wouldn’t separate from the base because of the holes in the lace.

Then you simply pin it all together inside out and sew around the edge. Leave a gap to stuff the pillow in, turn it inside out, stuff that pillow in, and sew it up by hand. Ta da! A new pillow.

Yes, the arrival of this pillow does mean that red is becoming the accent color in our bedroom. A nightstand and gallery wall that also incorporate red/blue/gray combos are in the works/75% complete. I’m surprised at my choice of red, because red has always been, along with orange, the most under-represented color in my wardrobe. It’s just not my go-to color. I’ve always wanted to say that: “my “go-to” color, my “go-to” pants, my “go-to” salami.

(Actually, I’ve never wanted to say that. I’ve never developed an unequivocal affinity for any one particular brand of salami, either.)

But I like the pairing of a warm color with the cool grays and blues that are already in the room, so red it is.

The first take of that same angle:

Cats these days.

All this talk of red has inspired Rick to drape his red clothing around the room in protest. (He pretends to see red bahaha have a severe aversion to every color except blue.) I’d say he’s getting the hang of this decorating thing. Next thing you know, he’ll be using words like “herringbone” and “patina.”

Have you ever started decorating with a color you never expected to? Did your husband come with a limited acceptable color palette? Who wants to come pet my cat while I try to take pictures?

Check out some of my other favorite DIY pillows here and here!

***I’m linking this up to the Tater Tots & Jello Weekend Wrap-Up Party!***

A bucket of joint compound once laughed at me.

Let’s play a game of Three Truths and a Lie, shall we?

1. I’ve never sent a text message.

2. I’ve never had a cavity.

3. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

4. I know how to open a bucket of joint compound.

#1-3 are all true. #4 is the lie. The big, big lie. In fact, a bucket of joint compound recently spent 22 minutes laughing at me.

True story.

But before I tell that story, I need to tell the necessary boring backstory. Basically, we’ve moved on from our closet for now and are focusing on the living room. This involves putting up a new ceiling because the original plaster one wasn’t in good shape, and after doing some research, (This Old House to the rescue) we decided that drywalling over it would be the best thing to do. That was done last weekend, and now I am in charge of mudding the cracks because Rick is playing the piano for the local high school musical (Legally Blonde!)and has pit band rehearsal just about every night of the week from now until the end-of-March performance. And I want my living room back. End of boring backstory.

I now present you:

22 Minutes in the Life of Erin

Or, Why Erin Needs Muscles, and Serious Help in General.

7:01. Locate giant 4.5 gallon bucket of joint compound to begin mudding the drywall cracks. Flex lack of muscles.

7:02. Attempt to move giant bucket of joint compound. Fail miserably. Think I hear soft giggling. Blame it on the cats.

7:03. Attempt to move giant bucket of joint compound again. Take a rest after moving said bucket approximately 3.72 inches.

7:06. Finally move giant bucket of joint compound the four feet into the living room.

7:07. Contemplate the need to begin lifting weights.

7:08. Notice that a safety strip needs to be pried off of the lid.

7:09. Pull on the safety strip. Pull on the safety strip again. Pull on the safety strip again and possibly detect faint snickering. Blame it on the cats.

7:11. Realize that merely pulling on the safety strip is doing nothing. Sit on the bucket and yank on the safety strip with hands tucked in sleeves because it hurts.

7:13. Fully remove safety strip with a flourishing final yank. Instant cat toy, ideal for tug-of-war.

7:14. Attempt to remove the lid. Wonder why it won’t move. Hear definite cackling emanating from someplace to the left of the instructions for use.

7:15. Realize that the little plastic sections around the edge need to be snapped up. Attempt to snap one up. Pull hands away in fear of breaking a finger. Catch a hee-haw.

7:16. Sit on the bucket and attempt to snap the sides up. Glare in the direction of the hee-haw.

7:18. Stand on bucket and attempt to snap the sides up. Shake my fist at the hee-haw.

7:20. Get the crowbar and attempt to snap the sides up. Hear a full belly laugh.

7:22. Slip with the crowbar and slice finger open. Cast a withering glance at the giggling bucket and smack it with the crowbar.

7:23. Give up and write this post instead.

THE END

Battery acid, brussel sprouts, and a game of tag.

Happy Wednesday, friends! I was tagged recently by Brooke of Inside Out Design and Maury of Life on Mars (thanks, ladies!) in a fun Q&A bloggy game. I was given 22 questions between the 2 of them, but had a sneaking suspicion that nobody would stick around for that much drivel about my life, so I picked 6 each of the questions that they came up with. I’ve tagged 11 other bloggers at the bottom of this post, and included 11 new questions for them to answer!

But first, my own answers.

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1) What is one thing you can’t live without?

There’s plenty I could live without, but one thing I wouldn’t like to live without is my own bathroom. I like camping (mostly) with the exception of not having my own shower and sink and toilet. Something about how daddy longlegs aren’t generally a part of personal hygiene. If I could vacuum pack my bathroom into my suitcase for every camping trip we take, I would.

2) What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?

Um…plain Shredded Wheat? No seriously. I am not an exotic eater. I haven’t, for instance, ever eaten goat tongue or leg of porcupine. (Gross?) The most unusual thing I’ve eaten in the past week is roasted brussel sprouts. Rick said they tasted like battery acid and I was not quick to disagree.

3) What is in your purse right now?

Garbage. Junk. Dirt. I need to attack it with several Lysol wipes; it’s probably swarming with bacteria and is seriously grossing me out. As far as non-microbial objects go, though, there are bobby pins, paint swatches, old receipts, older receipts, expired coupons, really expired coupons, and maybe my cell phone, keys, and wallet, if I remember to put them back in there after I use them.

4) What is one of your pet peeves?

I’ll be honest here: comments about my size from people who don’t know me well. “Do you ever eat?” Yes, I do. I’m petite. It’s genetic. What’s more, I’m in a healthy weight range for my height. But I don’t even waste time responding with those facts anymore. I’m not sure if sometimes people think they’re being nice, but suggesting to me that I have an eating disorder is not a compliment. It is insensitive to just how serious an eating disorder actually is. And it especially makes me sad and uncomfortable when they ask me that question in a jealous tone.

5) How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

I clock in at a little under an hour from the time I get out of bed to the time I get in my car. This includes breakfast and other necessary morning activities like petting the cats and trying to find my cell phone.

6) What is the greatest gift you’ve ever been given?

My salvation. No other gift can compare.

7) Do you have a "Monica's closet" aka a hidden space in your house that's either a total mess or completely undecorated?

Of course not! I am perfect and my house is pristine. See?

 8) What made you decide to start a blog?

I discovered the world of home blogs when I googled “how to paint furniture” a couple years ago and found myself on this page at Young House Love. I’ve always liked to write, but hadn’t, until blogging, done much in the way of “personal writing” since high school. After a while of hemming and hawing over whether or not to start a blog of my own, I caved. It’s been an enormous stress relief for me and a hobby that I have truly come to love.                             

9) What is the best decorating tip that you've learned from another blog?

Carol of The Design Pages left a comment on another blog saying that she gives her clients the following advice: “Finish the vision before you start over.” I am guilty of wanting to start over so many times, especially because my vision is blurry at best when it comes to my plan for a room. But waiting to see how it will all turn out will, ultimately, save me a lot of time and money. I don’t think I’d ever finish anything if I started over every time I started second-guessing myself.

10) What is your favorite movie?

Well, you all know the answer is Enchanted…but in terms of other movies that I have also watched repeatedly, I’d have to say…Hairspray. The Emperor’s New Groove. Legally Blonde. August Rush. The Sound of Music. Never Been Kissed. The Aristocats. Mrs. Doubtfire. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Phantom of the Opera. I can’t think of the others…

11) What is your favorite food?

Pasta. Bread. CARBS. I’m also a fan of my fruits and veggies, unless they taste like battery acid. Basically, I could never, ever go on the Atkins diet. I also like shrimp. Oh, and chocolate…

12) What is your all-time favorite blog post?

Oh gosh. I don’t know. I have fun writing every single one. But one that’s old and many of you probably haven’t read is this one from my old apartment blog—it contains my thoughts on what I predicted “closing on a house” would be like. It involves Barbara Streisand and snow angels. Since we closed on our house just a little over a year ago, I thought it would be a timely post to include. :)

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I’m tagging the following bloggers who I haven’t passed things on to before AND who I haven’t seen already get tagged. These lovely ladies now have to answer MY questions (buahaha…if they want to…)

Gail @ Sophisticated Steps

Laura @ The Butlers

Michelle @ Décor and the Dog

Kelly @ View Along the Way

Ashley @ Attempts at Domestication

Lyndsay @ That 70s House

Karen @ Strictly Simple Style

Carrie @ Hazardous Design

Megan @ The Remodeled Life

Melody @ Elisabeth Jean

Katie @ Wildwood Creek

Skye @ Neathering Our Fest

 

Questions:

1. You’ve been forced at gunpoint to sing karaoke. What song do you choose?

2. What color is dominant in your wardrobe?

3. What is your all-time favorite flavor of ice cream?

4. What was the first thing you ever wanted to be “when you grew up”?

5. What is your most memorable high school experience?

6. If you could go on any TV game show, what would it be?

7. What’s the best book you’ve ever read?

8. How far have you traveled from home?

9. If you could win a gift certificate to any store, what would it be?

10. What’s your favorite season?                                     

11. What are your thoughts on brussel sprouts? (baha.)

That’s it! Who can relate to any of my answers? Who can’t? I’d love to hear from you either way. :)

 

***If you were tagged, these are the rules!***

1. You must post the rules.

2. Answer the 11 questions the tagger posted for you and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.

3. Tag 11 people and link them in your post.

4. Let them know you have tagged them.

And That’s a Wrap: Final Day of the Honey-Do List Series!

We’re wrapping up our Honey-Do List series over at Hazardous Design! (If you missed the first three days, definitely check out the fun here, here, and here.) Our final topic is “If our husbands were in charge of decorating.” I know, I know; that seems like an oxymoron. Husbands? Decorate? With what, bags of chips and laundry?

Maybe we don’t give them enough credit.

Then again, maybe we do.

Hop over to Carrie’s to find out—and when you’re done, check out their recent family room renovation—it’s gorgeous!

Home “Improvement” Without a Handy Husband

Day 3 of the Honey-Do List series continues today over at Décor and the Dog! (If you missed the first two days, go here and here.) Today, we discuss what home improvement would be like without husbands who know their way around a sheet of drywall. For me, “home improvement without a handy husband” is a total contradiction of terms, an impossibility of epic proportions. It’s like a Twinkie without filling. It’s like Aladdin without his genie. It’s like a Superbowl halftime show without Madonna’s dance moves and a herd of sword-wielding Nicki Minaj Trojans.

(Wait, what?)

Forget everything you just read. Go visit Michelle instead. And check out some of her inspiring DIY projects while you’re there, like this mudroom makeover! :)

The Honey-Do List: What We Wives Have Learned

Part II of our Honey-Do List series continues today over at View Along the Way! (If you missed Part I, go here.) This time, we’re sharing what we’ve learned about DIYing with humans of the testosterone variety. My blurb has something to do with communicating. And cats. You knew I’d find a way to work them in, right?

Speaking of communication and cats, can someone please communicate to Zoe that the sink is not an appropriate place to take a nap?

Someone should also probably communicate to me that the sink is not an appropriate place to store old paint rollers.

Anyway.

Go visit Kelly and the rest of our Honey-Do squad! While you’re there, check out Kelly’s amazing DIY platform bed project and this hilarious post about a custom toddler-sized aquarium that her husband built. You won’t regret it.

Possibly the Cheapest Extra-Wide Curtains Ever

After months of trying to figure out what kind of curtains I wanted in our master bedroom, I finally made a bold and courageous decision:

White curtains.

Lame. Safe. Expected. Boring. Yada yada.

Guess what, though?

I sort of really like them.

I ended up with easy-on-the-eye white for the following reasons:

1. I’ve learned that I do not personally like to live in rooms with more than two graphic/patterned curtain panels. It’s too much for my personal taste and I’d prefer to bring in pattern in smaller doses, like a pillow or two or ten. Don’t get me wrong—I enjoy looking at rooms with multiple bold and graphic curtains. But living in a room like that—no thanks. It’s sort of like how I’ve figured out that I love to look at rooms with a lot of fun color, but not live in rooms with a lot of fun color.

2. Because of #1, I knew I wanted something solid, and we’ve already got blue in the ceiling and on the chair, and gray on the walls and comforter. White it is.

The best part about these curtains is that they cost me a grand total of $35 for all four panels. They’re made out of 90” muslin, which was on sale for $5 a yard and I had an additional 30% off coupon. Thank you, Joann Fabrics. I also only had to hem the top and bottom of each panel because the sides were already finished. Thank you again, Joann Fabrics.

I’m not entirely sure what muslin is supposed to be used for, but when I googled it, I found the following idea:

One of the less well known uses of muslin is as a filter for fine wine or port to prevent sediment from getting into the decanter. Typically this is accomplished by pouring the wine through a funnel with muslin stretched over the smaller end.

Who knew? Here I’ve been choking down all that plankton and sludge in my homemade wine.

In addition to being a great sediment-buster, though, the fact that muslin comes in extra-wide widths (it actually went up to 120” but that seemed a bit excessive for my purposes) makes it especially good for DIYing curtains. I looked at other cotton fabrics that were around the same price per yard, but they were 45” wide, and would have made for pretty skimpy and super lame-o window treatments. The muslin is fairly thin, but there’s so much bunching and scrunching going on that you can’t even tell.

As a final touch, we replaced the original finals with finials from curtain rods that we took down because they wouldn’t extend wide enough.

Hooray!

Do you remember what this room used to look like? All I remember is something about birdhouses, a boob light, and a textured ceiling. Let’s take a look.

This next one isn’t the same angle, (if only you knew when you moved in what angles of the room you’d want to capture for before-after purposes) but it’s the same window. The wall to the right of the window in the birdhouse picture is the closet that we removed.

You can read about the madness of our master bedroom renovation here.

So…that’s all I’ve got for my cheapest extra-wide curtains ever (possibly). Who else has made some cheap curtains? Share links if you’d like to! And what besides home-décor-aisle-fabric have you made curtains out of? Have you ever strained your plankton with muslin? Better yet, have you ever made curtains out of plankton? Do tell. :)

***Linking this up to Serenity Now and the Tater Tots & Jello Weekend Wrap-Up Party!***

A Drafty Stairwell Solution

You remember that proverbial fire that was roasting our tooshies into finishing our closet renovation at the speed of light? Well. It seems that things like employers and the basic need for sleep are slowing us down just a tad. There’s also this thing about our house being over a century old and apparently crooked.

Old crooked house + amateur carpenters = :(

Rick was feeling a little crooked as a result, so I suggested what any good wife would: a trip to Joann Fabrics.

Old crooked house + amateur carpenter supervisor and her husband + Joann Fabrics = :D

It was possibly the shortest Joann Fabrics trip we’ve ever taken, clocking in at just under one hour. (Husbands everywhere just died a little when I said that, I know.) While there, we bought 2 1/2 yards of this snazzy stuff called Warm Window. Why? Because the stairs to our attic currently have no door, and even though building the walls around the attic stairs did help a little, a huge draft was still coming down…hence the need for that fire I mentioned earlier. Or something.

We initially planned to put an actual door there, but the litter box is in the attic (no different from it being in the basement, right?) so we would have had to carve out a kitty door for easy potty access. Instead, I decided to just make a fabric curtain of sorts, which is where Warm Window came in.

It has 4 layers of super sonic insulating powers, or something, so it’s designed to block a draft like the one we were dealing with. We got it for about $12/yard on sale and with a coupon.

This is what it looks like when your cat sits on it:

For the front of the curtain, I used 54” Robert Allen fabric that I got for $3/yard on clearance on a different marathon trip to Joann’s. (It’s back in stock now at $39.99 a yard. I’d say I got a good deal, no?)

I sewed the two sides and the bottom inside out so that I could then turn the whole thing right-side out and the edges would be nice and neat without foil hanging out.

The bulk of the Warm Window plus the size of the curtain itself (over 8’ long) did cause everything to slip around occasionally while I was sewing, so I enlisted a small kitten to weigh it down and keep it from moving.

When those 3 edges were sewn together, I flipped it right-side out and added the rod pocket out of just fabric so that the bulky Warm Window didn’t have to wrap around the tension rod. Here’s the final product:

And here’s the nice neat edge and what it looks like from the back:

Is that a peek of built-in closet in the background? Maybe, maybe not. I’m sworn to secrecy.

So far, so good. I no longer have a need for earmuffs, boots, and a Snuggie when passing through the stairwell. Should I submit that statement to Warm Window? They can add it to these “customer” comments that are already on their packaging:

Dear “Lois”/Editor of Lois’ Comment: That is a run-on sentence. Dear “Jackie”: Not really, unless your pillow cases generally include layers of foam and foil. Dear “Susan”: I am wondering why you compare heating bills with your neighbors.

Revived from our exhilarating trip to Joann Fabrics, Rick is putting the final nails in the coffin built-in closet as I type, so I’ll have full pictures of our latest progress sometime this week. Until then, we’ll be basking in our Snuggie-less existence and high-fiving each other about being in and out of Joann’s in less time than it took Jackie Trute of Michigan to sew her latest pillow case.

Happy Monday, everyone! :)