Year in Review: 2012 Blog Silliness

Upon reviewing the 2012 version of my blog, I have come to this conclusion: I have a habit of taking some totally normal topic and making it completely weird. And occasionally awkward. But I also came to the conclusion that being able to say whatever I want is actually why I enjoy writing this thing. So here’s to another year of silliness around these parts, and here’s to 10 crazy moments from this past year. :)

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Top 10 “Why Did I Say That on the Internet and When Will I Learn Not to Mention Boobs in My Posts?” Moments of 2012

#1: The crazed acknowledgment of the time my cat became an artist (pronounced arteest), complete with a movie poster. Because all respectable prodigious cats have movies about their distinguished lives. And all respectable prodigious cat owners take the time to make movie posters for said prodigious cats.

#2: Divulging clinical symptoms of new homeowneritis, including but not limited to me wearing a lampshade on my head. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more awkward.

#3: Discussing stool in conjunction with a stool makeover. It should have been a totally normal day on my blog. But apparently the word ‘stool’ is just too much for me to handle, as made evident by my multiple awkward references to potty business.

#4: Discussing bras in conjunction with an oversized ampersand. This is another post that should have been totally normal. But of course I had to go ruin it by mentioning lingerie.

#5: Explaining a chandelier update, and simultaneously going down the endowment path. Again. Some people never learn.

#6: Shameless promotion of shelves full of things I found in someone else’s trash. It’s a sickness.

#7: Comparing our “grown-up” bedroom makeover to bedrooms of yore, including one of my dorm rooms. Kittens. Teacups. Scary.

#8: Repeatedly confessing my love for Enchanted and forever sealing my nerdy princess fate by sharing the events in this post.

#9: Scoring a 10/10 on the Delusion Meter when it comes to having claws and vinyl-upholstered furniture in the same house. Hint: it doesn’t work. Your DIY ottoman will be destroyed.

#10: The post you just read…ensuring that nobody ever, ever, ever forgets these moments. Like, ever. (ohheyTaylorSwiftsongreferencefeelfreetosingalong)

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Happy New Year, everyone! :)

***Linking this up to Southern Hospitality***

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With Bling

It is a well-known fact that glitter makes everything better. Had glitter been present at the following, there is good reason to believe that all would have been drastically improved:

• the stock market crash of 1929
• journeying west along the Oregon Trail
• the debut of the leisure suit.

It goes without saying, then, that glitter also improves Christmas presents.

My gifts will be wrapped in brown paper until I am 94 years old. Why? Because we got the giant roll of brown paper at Home Depot for like $8 and barely put a dent in it.

I will also be picking glitter out of my pores until I am 94 years old. At that point, it may get mixed in with my denture cream. But since glitter makes everything better, this is all very acceptable.

By the way, I bought all of the fabulously glitzy ribbon the week before Christmas when it was already 70% off at Joann’s, proving once and for all that waiting until the last minute occasionally pays off.

Aaaand not to be outranked by shiny stuff, Zoe decided to park her furry butt in the gifts as we tried to wrap them, and then chomped on the paper. We do feed her, really.

Have you improved anything with glitter lately? What’s your wrapping design of choice? I hope everyone had a peaceful and healthy Christmas!

The Christmas Mantel That Almost Wasn’t

Do you ever feel like you’ve seen something before?

Do you ever feel like you’ve seen something before?*

*I did that in case you answered NO and were envious of all the fine folks who experience déjà vu on a hauntingly frequent basis like when they tell their cat to stop eating the Christmas tree and then five seconds later she is all up in it like white on rice and they tell her to stop eating it. Again.

That’s how I feel when I look at Christmas Mantel 2012, aka The Mantel That Almost Wasn’t Because Erin Parachuted Into a Distant Land Far Removed From Blogging and Christmas Decorating and No She Is Not Pregnant In Case You Were Wondering.

With the green + silver + natural theme going on again, it is basically the more petite, conservative sister of last year’s “fantel.” The petite, conservative sister who waits until the last minute to pick out her clothes and almost goes to the Christmas work party in her pajamas. The petite, conservative sister who may leave her sparse Christmas decorations up until March because she waited so long to get them out in the first place. The petite, conservative sister who is not planning on actually hanging any ornaments on her tree this year.

You know, that sister.

I don’t know her personally.

In terms of notable genetic mantel differences: the fake pinecones and the “When Love Came Down” shadow box were not at last year’s family gathering. I made the words using my Cricut (on silver cardstock—the font is Chunk Five). It was fast and easy. Lazy Girl’s Guide to the Holidays is the theme of this year’s Christmas décor.

Except, wait.

My mantel might be late, lazy, and the less-styled version of last year’s.

But that’s not what this season is all about. (Duh, Erin.)

This season is so much bigger and better than just a time of year when people camp out at malls and drown their yards in inflatable Santas and accidentally on purpose forget to hang ornaments on their tree. It is the time of year we celebrate Love coming down. And I can’t tell you how many times I have already looked at my lazy frame and been reminded of that.

When love came down. Four simple words that changed the world.

Four simple words that I am happy to see, and remember, over and over again.

Bring on the déjà vu.

Four Good Reasons For Falling Off the Face of the Blogging Earth

Reason #1: Your computer is mysteriously abducted by aliens, who demand a reasonable sum of eighty nine million dollars for its safe return.

Reason #2: Your cats insist that you pet them no fewer than 34,120 strokes per day, leaving you basically only enough remaining time to do other important things like vacuum the coat closet and organize your sock drawer.

Reason #3: You recently fell prey to a vicious disease that allows you to eat nothing except oil of cod and also renders you incapable of moving your fingers, and your breath smells so bad from the cod that you are forced into a perpetual state of gargling Scope.

Reason #4: You discover that you are next-of-kin to 18 orphaned children and they move in, bringing with them an insatiable need for grilled cheese and apple juice and gummy bears, so you’ve spent the last two weeks sleeping in the supermarket aisles in case of emergency.

None of these, of course, explain why I personally parachuted off of the blogging earth and crash-landed somewhere north of a distant galaxy, where I’ve spent the last two weeks perfecting my tan and constructing shelters out of earwax and animal carcasses.

I learned how to do this in Girl Scouts right after selling Thin Mints and knitting potholders.

I’ve sent out an urgent S.O.S. and am anxiously awaiting word of my rescuers.

Until then…