"Old Dorky Musty Guys" & Other Fun with Keyword Stats

I honestly don't pay too much attention to my visitor stats. I used to, but then I realized that it really makes no difference how many people click on any given post, plus numbers pretty much mean nothing to me. (I teach English, remember?) :)

However, the "keyword activity" and "came from" are two pieces of information that I do find interesting, because it allows me to see where visitors are coming from and what they searched to get here.

I was inspired while reading Neathering My Fest a while ago to share some of the Google search terms that land people on my blog, just for fun. Here are some of my favorites...

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"stylish high school outfits" 
I recommend leg warmers, pleather bell bottoms, and spandex. Lots and lots of spandex.

"old dorky musty guy"
What is Google suggesting about my husband?!

"i am at my ropes end"
This does probably describe how Rick feels, sometimes, like when I put yet another pillow on the couch the other day...

"painted mice"

"black lagoon pool"  
You wouldn't believe how many hits I get for stuff like this. Maybe I should actually put something helpful in that post about our gross pool, like how we fixed it, instead of non-helpful stuff like ceramic girls rising out of the muck and mire.

"what if someone says will you be mine"
Run the other way. Unless it's an old dorky musty guy, in which case you should marry him immediately.

"betty crocker enema"
Whoever searched for this probably found it really disturbing that a post about cupcakes came up. Although that may have been a welcome alternative to an actual enema.

"polyester pantsuits"
Naturally, since I'm an expert on stylish outfits. Or because I post things like this on my blog.

"gross refrigerator"
Well. Guilty as charged. You will find one of those on my blog.

"diy barbie head stencil" 
I only wish I could boast of having such an item on my blog.

And my favorite one ever from my old apartment blog: "barbara streisand hands"
And I always thought her nose was her defining feature?

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Basically, I've learned that I should really quit my job and begin an advice column about being your high school's next top model, winning the guy of your dreams, and getting your small-time blog to pop up in Google search results. (The answer is not become popular, obviously, or write really clever posts about really clever projects. The answer is to make references to completely irrelevant stuff on your blog. Who knew?)

All of this silliness makes me want to search for some really random thing and click on the first blog that pops up just so they can have as much fun reading their stats as I do. Like maybe "yellow babies in squirrel's nest" or "string cheese violin balloon" or "pickled goatee." Hmmm...the possibilities... ;)

While I mull over this devious plan, I'll be making my own Barbie head stencil so that the next person who searches for one won't leave sorely disappointed. This is my inspiration pic:

Psycho much?

What strange stuff has popped up in your keyword stats? I'd love for you to share so we can all get a snicker or two out of it. If you don't have a blog, what do you recommend I search for when I embark on a road of mischief after DIYing a Barbie head stencil? ;)

Thanks, Skye, for the fun inspiration! :)  


  1. Oh man you have way cooler keyword stats than us!! We actually have a ton for "paisley print shoes" which is probably wanting to find actual paisley print shoes and then they get really upset with us when they go to our blog and we don't even have a picture of our paisley print shoes on our blog! haha! we had a "where to store my knick nacks" which is funny because katie and i HATE knick nacks. :) we would say the garbage. oh we also had "frumpy work clothes"...sadly we know all about those...but i don't think we've ever blogged about them! ;)

  2. Anonymous9/13/2011

    These are awesome and hilarious.

    Some of my favorites are:
    Victory pose foot
    Ripped and Peeled
    dog lick
    sand sled for sale

  3. I did a post about some of mine a while back, but they weren't nearly as funny and random as yours! Hilarious!

  4. I've had some doozies...of course I can't remember them now, but one of the most recent strange ones was "jello made with whipped cream". Um, what?! No jello here...and I could be wrong but if my chemistry is correct, I'm not thinking this is molecularly possible.

  5. hang on i have to pick myself up off the floor from laughing... brb.

    omg these were hilarious! what the heck are people LOOKING for anyways? betty crocker enema? um. EW. ewwwww. wow. your stats are way cooler than mine and i love them!

    p.s. - thanks for the shout out!! woot!!

  6. Anonymous9/13/2011

    Wow. That was exactly what I needed at work today! I laughed at work! Who knew?

    I haven't had many strange ones yet having only been at this for a month and a half. The oddest I've gotten have been in relation to slings (I assume this is because of my recent shoulder surgery).

  7. I don't have anything good. Just some search string about "feathers". I don't even know which post that could have been in.

  8. Ha! I haven't looked at my keyword searches in a while, but now I'm curious. :)

  9. Anonymous9/13/2011

    Ha! That's awesome. Thanks for the good laugh. I don't think I have had anything crazy, but now I and going to keep my eyes out.

  10. These are awesome. Betty Crocker enema...you may have helped discover a new drug with this ol' blog.

    Mine are always boring. I did have "getting drunk after tax season" which makes me laugh because I don't drink. Today "moovesme" was at the top of the list. Searched 8 times. Impressive.

  11. I don't get a lot of craziness on my blog but when I wrote a fitness blog I got some interesting keyword searches. "Skinny Fat Girls" was big.

  12. Hahahah. I bust out laughing at this, thank you I needed it! :)

    Mine are all normal stuff... 8/10 of my google keywords are ikea products I've mentioned before. But I do have 5 hits this week on "a device that traps princesses". I really don't know how that happened. Ha

  13. That is so hilarious. I don't even know how to check for those stats or words but I have a feeling if I found them it wouldn't be nearly as funny as yours:)

  14. Anonymous9/14/2011

    I just did a lunchtime post inspired by your post. Who knew people were looking to "Eat my nephew?" or "doodle yum."


  15. "Nate builds a dream house" was searched 5 times today...I didn't know I should pay attention to these things daily. :P

  16. most of mine are not anything ground breaking but you motivated me to look. Every once in a while I see 'one that cracks me up. like how 'deliverance prayer' brings you to my blog, I have no clue. 'how to be interesting to men' is another one that makes me wonder


    I think I want more info, but then I think... it's probably better not to know.

    Funny post :)

  18. I love when people share these stats cause they can be hilarious. Yours are toooooo funny, probably because you are hilarious. Most of mine are more or less normal. Bev from Flamingo Toes posts I think once a week on the funniest searches that got to her blog.


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