"Old Dorky Musty Guys" & Other Fun with Keyword Stats

I honestly don't pay too much attention to my visitor stats. I used to, but then I realized that it really makes no difference how many people click on any given post, plus numbers pretty much mean nothing to me. (I teach English, remember?) :)

However, the "keyword activity" and "came from" are two pieces of information that I do find interesting, because it allows me to see where visitors are coming from and what they searched to get here.

I was inspired while reading Neathering My Fest a while ago to share some of the Google search terms that land people on my blog, just for fun. Here are some of my favorites...

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"stylish high school outfits" 
I recommend leg warmers, pleather bell bottoms, and spandex. Lots and lots of spandex.

"old dorky musty guy"
What is Google suggesting about my husband?!

"i am at my ropes end"
This does probably describe how Rick feels, sometimes, like when I put yet another pillow on the couch the other day...

"painted mice"
Um...? 

"black lagoon pool"  
You wouldn't believe how many hits I get for stuff like this. Maybe I should actually put something helpful in that post about our gross pool, like how we fixed it, instead of non-helpful stuff like ceramic girls rising out of the muck and mire.

"what if someone says will you be mine"
Run the other way. Unless it's an old dorky musty guy, in which case you should marry him immediately.

"betty crocker enema"
Whoever searched for this probably found it really disturbing that a post about cupcakes came up. Although that may have been a welcome alternative to an actual enema.

"polyester pantsuits"
Naturally, since I'm an expert on stylish outfits. Or because I post things like this on my blog.

"gross refrigerator"
Well. Guilty as charged. You will find one of those on my blog.

"diy barbie head stencil" 
I only wish I could boast of having such an item on my blog.

And my favorite one ever from my old apartment blog: "barbara streisand hands"
And I always thought her nose was her defining feature?

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Basically, I've learned that I should really quit my job and begin an advice column about being your high school's next top model, winning the guy of your dreams, and getting your small-time blog to pop up in Google search results. (The answer is not become popular, obviously, or write really clever posts about really clever projects. The answer is to make references to completely irrelevant stuff on your blog. Who knew?)

All of this silliness makes me want to search for some really random thing and click on the first blog that pops up just so they can have as much fun reading their stats as I do. Like maybe "yellow babies in squirrel's nest" or "string cheese violin balloon" or "pickled goatee." Hmmm...the possibilities... ;)

While I mull over this devious plan, I'll be making my own Barbie head stencil so that the next person who searches for one won't leave sorely disappointed. This is my inspiration pic:

Psycho much?

What strange stuff has popped up in your keyword stats? I'd love for you to share so we can all get a snicker or two out of it. If you don't have a blog, what do you recommend I search for when I embark on a road of mischief after DIYing a Barbie head stencil? ;)

Thanks, Skye, for the fun inspiration! :)