11 Unrelated and Basically Useless Things I Learned This Week

1. I learned that Ashley is to blame for the winter we’ve been having. Turns out when she decorates her mantel, nature reacts accordingly. She decorated it with lots of snowflakes; we had lots of snow. I propose that she now install one of these on her mantel:

…and also that she avoid decorating with, say, a bunch of squirrels. The last thing this world needs is more squirrels.

2. I learned that this chocolate mug cake is a fabulous way to lose your willpower to eat less like a slovenly pig and more like a girl who needs to fit into her pre-pregnancy pants unless she wants to endure the nightmare that is pants-shopping. It will enchant you with its two-minute start-to-finish siren song, despite all attempts to steer your boat past it, and then continue to lure you in by making you think how great it would be topped off with chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

Please pin from the original source

Before you know it, you will be in a chocolate coma and/or living Homer’s Odyssey and/or both. (We can all probably agree that the epic as a whole would have been significantly improved had chocolate peanut butter ice cream been at the ready. Homer, my man,—may I call you my man?— sometimes you just have to accept the fact that literary greatness only gets you so far.)

3. I learned that bouncing on an exercise ball while blogging is a good way to A) feel better about yourself after you eat a whole bunch of cake and ice cream, B) make your legs feel as though they are comprised of gelatinous sponges that have been run over by a dump truck, and C) feel better about your decision not to instead attempt this with your exercise ball:

source-ish

4. I learned that no matter how perfectly and snugly you put socks on a baby, said baby will devise a way to get them off again in no more than 18 seconds, and there is a distinct possibility that this time, at least one of the socks will be lost forever.

5. I learned that you can compensate for a baby’s lack of socks by placing a giant bow on her head. You know, for warmth.

6. I learned that peach floral wallpaper has been lurking beneath the wainscoting in our kitchen and that if I could travel back in time I would beg the previous owners not to slather the walls in river rock textured paint.

7. I learned that when your baby gets up at 6:30 AM on church day, you have no excuse to not actually blow-dry and straighten your hair for the first time in like a year. (I’m not exaggerating. I know, I make it a rule to Not Be Taken Seriously. But for real. Take me seriously this time.) You can lessen the gravity of this monumental event by making weird faces while your husband tries to capture it on film.

…and also by making faces that suggest you are about to eat your child.

8. I learned how to make my own social media icons using the tutorial I mentioned here. It was painless except for the fact that I basically have a better chance of recreating that ball maneuver from #3 than understanding html code. (But see the buttons up there? They work. Miraculously. Feel free to follow along if you don’t already!)

9. I learned that my baby is cute.

10. I learned that I already knew my baby was cute, and that I just wanted an excuse to include more pictures of her in my post.

11. I learned that when I write about chocolate peanut butter ice cream, I am basically required to also eat some so that I can accurately capture the full essence of what I’m describing. And then I end up freezing and pining for that oven, and then I get too hot and need to eat more ice cream, and it’s like “When You Give a Moose a Muffin” only less of a page-turner and higher in calories.

Hope you have a great weekend! :)

ps-I just added some more ads to my site and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know if anything annoying pops up like a video ad.