Seven Lighting Specimens That Will Die on Craigslist

Sometimes, my mind is boggled. Like when we’re discussing political parties and my students decide that the two major parties in the United States are the Democrats and the Americans. Or when I see signs like this:


Ooooor when I am innocently scrolling through Craigslist and all of a sudden I scream in fright.

Behold: a recent round-up of seven lighting specimens that will die on Craigslist…because nobody will buy them. Unless they are going to play a cruel practical joke on someone.

1. Giant Greek Goddess. Stands at a towering 76” tall and basically a steal at a mere $550. That’s only $7.24 per inch. Says the seller: “I’ve never seen anything like it, but it must be worth a lot!” Yeah, okay.


2. Carousel of Non-Progress. I don’t know what to make of the giant protruding bulbs. They hardly seem kid-friendly. I wonder if it actually revolves around like a real carousel?


3. Moldy Beehive. This has been listed and relisted for over a year. It is like the song that never ends. And for some reason, the sellers occasionally increase the price. Maybe they know something about selling moldy beehives that I don’t. Admittedly, I am no expert.

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4. Dead Orange Chicken. My friends and I went through a boa phase when we were in middle school. We probably would have wanted 10 of these lamps each.


5. Cookie. Don’t get me wrong. I like cookies. But not enough to decorate with them. (Rick does that every time he has a snack on the couch, anyway. HiRickIloveyou.) Besides, it would just make me want cookies all the time.


6. Question Mark. Because I’m not sure what this is supposed to be. Perhaps it’s modern art, you know the kind, where it looks like a blob and yet art critics stand back and find all sorts of deep meaning in it. Ah yes; now I see it. It is a poor farmer planting crops under the light of the yellow  moon, with a tsunami brewing dark and dangerous in the distance.


And last but not least:

7. Deer Feet. Real ones. BLEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Excuse me while I squirm. I’d never be able to function in a room with deer foot lamps.


Now, usually I can find potential in hideous unusual things if there is potential to be found. But I’m coming up short.

How about you? Anyone think any of these are salvageable? Who has cash to burn and wishes there were two of that first Greek goddess one? If you had to choose just one with which to start a bonfire, which would you pick?


  1. Omg my grandfather had one of those with deer feet in his barn when I was a kid. No joke! LOL!

  2. hahahaha! Those are fantastic.

  3. i think emmy would like the cookie one.... just saying.

    1. Yup I can totally see a kid loving that thing!

  4. Holy cow (er deer?), that deer foot one is creepy. I don't normally have any problem with that kind of thing but they've somehow made a deer's feet look like a creeptacular alien tentacle hand.

    I do want that Greek Goddess one though, if only to borrow it so I could come home one day and loudly pronounce to my wife, "Look what I got today honey! And it was a steal at $550!"

  5. Oh my! I don't know about the bonfire, but I suddenly am in the mood for some Chips Ahoy.

  6. LMAO! That's an amazing round up. I personally think you should go for the cookie one. Spray it a matte white. Nothing's classier than a ceramic cookie!

  7. You should enter these in Better After's ugly lamp contest!!!

  8. Anonymous8/15/2013

    Okaaayyy....I think that #6 would go up in flames BEFORE the match was lit, then I'd throw the moldy beehive on top of that just for good measure (if I dared touch it).

    Now, I'm pretty sure I saw the Greek Goddess lamp in a movie once. It was probably one of those 1960-something ones starring Tony Curtis as a playboy who brought some bimbo to his lavish NY apartment and this lamp was on some low side table in the background looking oh-so-chic. And yet here we are, 50 years later making fun of it. Ha!

  9. Bahahaha! Omygosh! These are so ugly!

  10. The modern art one looks like a gremlin blowing his nose to me. Just saying.

    1. ooh see, it IS modern art. Everyone finds their own meaning. Brilliant. ;)

  11. "Boa phase" is an understatement. If we had craigslist when we were young that boa lamp would be hanging out in your attic right now. :-p

  12. OK~that giant cookie is to die for!

    ps - deer feet lighting creeps me out, too...

  13. Craigslist is mindblowing!!

  14. hahaha! "I've never seen anything like it so it must be expensive." I like the way they think.

  15. My cousin had one of those carousel ceiling fans/light fixtures when she was little. Actually, it's still hanging in her room, but my aunt covered up the carousel part with a scarf. It's a little strange, but it works for them!

  16. OH MY GOSH. I'm dying laughing at this ridiculousness!!!!!!!! Bahahahaha!!

    PS-those deer feet are CREEPY.

  17. You don't know how much I needed this laugh. :) Erin, there is no one like you. :) More of you would be a good thing. However, I'm hoping there aren't more people like these Craigslist posters (but I think we all know the sad truth). ;)


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