I’m here to tell you about a racket that I recently discovered. It’s called Overpriced Nonsense. It’s called What Is this World Coming To. You see, I recently spray painted this hexagon tray, purchased on Marshall’s clearance for $2, a glossy white and put it on my new desk/vanity.
I then happened to spot practically the same exact tray being sold by Jonathan Adler for $175.
Say what? Who spends $175 on a tray? Even if it IS “made in Vietnam using traditional, artisanal techniques, where each piece is coated in 12 layers of lacquer, and then every coat is allowed to dry for 48 hours and water-sanded before the next coat is applied”?
My parents had an exchange student from Vietnam. That’s probably close enough.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure the $175 tray is nicer than mine. But is it really $173 better than mine? Mine has bugs encased in the finish, people. (It’s the next trend in design, I promise you. Come spring, Jonathan Adler will be selling microscopic lacquer-coated bugs for a mere $245. On sale. You heard it here, folks.) Really, nothing adds character like the lumpy corpses of pesky insects who refuse to land on any of the other billion square feet in the universe.
And I’m not sure mine can live up to this standard: someone at Jonathan Adler described the $175 tray as “crack cocaine for the eyes.” I’ve been staring at mine for days and haven’t yet been inspired to scratch my skin off OR hack up black phlegm. Yet another shortcoming.
But despite these obvious flaws, and the general lack of 12 layers of artisanal lacquer, I’m happy with my $2 + spray paint tray.
And if you aren’t privy to the water-sanding artisanal methods of crafting, the winning team for ensuring a no-chip finish on non-porous surfaces (like my plastic tray) is as follows:
The frosted glass coat gives the surface some texture that the next layer can cling to, which is generally missing on non-porous surfaces like plastic, glass, and metal. The second layer can be any spray paint (I actually used regular Krylon for the tray), but the paint + primer gets extra credit. Clear enamel gives the whole surface polish and protection.
P.S. My for-photo-purposes tray décor seems to have a wintery theme. That wasn’t intentional. And if anyone was wondering, the framed photo is of me as a toddler with my daddy. :)