What Makes It Worth It {A Moment in the Life of a Teacher}

Occasionally, my students surprise me.

Like when they exclaim in June, after a year of calling me Mrs., “You’re married?!”

Or, when they announce, “My feet smell good today.” (They definitely did not smell good that day.) I say, “Oh?” and they say, “Yeah, I put perfume on them this morning.”

Or, when given permission to go rinse out their mouth because they have been hacking incessantly, they head to the hand sanitizer machine, and then wonder why I am shouting STOP across the room in horror.

Each time one of these things happen, I am officially no longer shocked by one more piece of the mysterious and highly erratic adolescent brain.

But sometimes, I am caught off-guard in an ever-so-sweet way by those same adolescent brains. Like when this note greeted me the day after I was out sick…

…and when a note like this showed up on my desk, just because.

Those corny videos she mentions? They began with this one.

Neither of the two students who left those notes “look good” on paper. On paper, those two students will probably make me, in the eyes of the state of New York, look like a teacher “in need of improvement.” They entered their 7th grade year with impossible deficits in reading and writing, and 42 minutes five days a week can only move so much of a mountain, if I am being completely honest with myself.

This is not to say I don’t bring my biggest, baddest shovel with me every day.

But I now have, in my permanent possession, proof of them on paper that means so much more than their test scores.

Those two kids may struggle to discern an author’s tone, and analyze the meter of a poem, and correctly combine two sentences to create a subordinate clause…but those two kids can make their English teacher thank God for sending sweet reminders of why she chose this career in the first place. And they kind of make her get all mushy and smile-y in the process.

They make it worth it. Every. single. day.

Rick Reupholsters a Chair, Again

Sometimes, Rick does crazy things.

One time, he jumped off the back of a moving truck, thinking he could outrun it. (He couldn’t.)

One time, he wrote the following in an email: “I’m sure anything you cook will be delicious.” (hahahaaa yeah right.)

One time, he decided he wanted to reupholster a chair for the second time. (And he did.)

The first time he reupholstered this chair was three years ago. It had been abandoned in our old apartment and covered in an unfortunate specimen of gold velour and crusty pizza sauce, so we thought, hey, why not put it out of its misery?

I picked out black and ivory zebra print for it at the time, thinking black and white would be timeless, neutral and could go anywhere, including under a cat.

Gingerbread before she decided it would be a good idea to go on the see-food diet.

Such a good think-aheader, I was.

Buuuut then I grew up a little bit and learned that zebra print is not really neutral, even in black and white. And that it’s also not really my thing, at least not on large pieces of furniture…or on old ladies with fake tans who still shop at Hollister.

Anyway, since we moved almost two years ago, we have had the chair sitting around with no room to put it in, so Rick finally decided he wanted to redo it. Off we traipsed to Joann’s, where I picked out some actually neutral red tag upholstery fabric for $6 a yard. The rest is history.

At one point during this process, Rick stated that when he retires, he would like to reupholster chairs. I told him no need to wait until he retires, that I’d be glad to fulfill his dreams immediately by purchasing a slew of hideous used furniture that he could immediately reupholster to his little heart’s content. He thanked me for being such a thoughtful wife.

Is it perfect? No. Does it work? Yes. Did it cost way less than a new chair? Yes. With the money we saved, I think I’ll buy Rick reupholstery classes. (You think I’m kidding. And so does he.)

What are some crazy things you or your husband have decided to do? Anyone have a chair they’d like to mail to Rick in the name of making his wishes come true?

Butterfly Explosion Thingy Wall Art (and Things I Am Bad At)

The following is a brief compilation of things I am bad at.

1. Video games. My eye-hand coordination rivals that of a dust mite.
2. Cooking. I once dumped an entire bag of flour into a pan of alfredo sauce. It was an accident, but still.
3. Athletics. See #1. Dust mites once beat me in a game of dodgeball.
4. Mingling. Social butterfly I am not.
5. Geography. Don’t ask me where a foreign country is located on a globe. I have family members (coughmomcoughbrother) who have the world memorized, or something. I sit by and try to look intelligent. And clean up stray dust mites.
6. Hanging things on walls. I have the HARDEST TIME figuring out what to fill empty space with. Dust mites don’t count. Take this exploding butterfly cut-out thingy, for example. (And add “Aptly and cleverly naming new projects” as #7 on the list of things I am bad at.)

Its predecessor, this Mayan relic, hung sideways on the living room wall for a good 6 weeks before I replaced it with the above butterfly explosion thingy. Family members who know things about geography questioned my decision-making and added “eyesight” to their mental lists of skill sets I am lacking.

The process of actually replacing the Mayan relic was simple once I figured out what to do. I used my Cricut and Sure Cuts a Lot to cut out a bunch of butterflies in varying shapes and sizes and colors, then glued them all down in an exploding-ish pattern.

The frame itself was $20 at Goodwill. I know how expensive large frames can be, so I bought two. The other one is hanging on the other side of the living room. Yes, it is also sideways, and yes, it also features desert pottery. I read somewhere that desert pottery looks better sideways. And now you read it somewhere, too, so it’s definitely a fact.

This whole project was inspired by this sculpture I found while browsing Pinterest. The butterflies are made out of recycled beer cans, people.

I’d have made mine out of beer cans myself but, whaddya know, we were fresh out of beer cans. And tin-smithing is #8 on the list of things I am bad at.

What are your self-professed non-talents? Any great ideas for what to fill the other frame with? Can you think of a better name for this project?

Linking up to the Pinterest Challenge with Megan (The Remodeled Life), Katie (Bower Power), Sherry (Young House Love) and Michelle (Decor and the Dog).

Simple Centerpiece: Citrus & Pinecones

The best things in life are furry. The second best things are edible. The third best things are free. My simple five-second citrus and pinecone centerpiece has the potential to be all of these things.

It was basically free (best thing #3). Also, much of it is edible (best thing #2), although 9.81/10 people reported duodenal discomfort following the consumption of pinecones and glass. Furthermore, eating said centerpiece will obviously compromise its status as a centerpiece. But we’re going with it.

And as far as best thing #1: it will be furry if the clementines sit there long enough. It shall grow mold, and then I shall discover a new bacteria in it, and then I shall become famous and change the world, and then I shall win a Nobel Prize for my work and gads of important people shall throw around words like staphylococci and lysozome in my presence and I shall know exactly what they are talking about.

Has that already been done?

If so, here’s something that won’t win any awards but is furry.

No smart comments about whether I meant the cat or the comforter. I clearly meant the comforter. ;)

What are some the best things in life to you? Who thinks Alexander Fleming probably discovered penicillin when a forgotten centerpiece he blogged about went awry? Yeah, me too.

Year in Review: 2012 Blog Silliness

Upon reviewing the 2012 version of my blog, I have come to this conclusion: I have a habit of taking some totally normal topic and making it completely weird. And occasionally awkward. But I also came to the conclusion that being able to say whatever I want is actually why I enjoy writing this thing. So here’s to another year of silliness around these parts, and here’s to 10 crazy moments from this past year. :)

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Top 10 “Why Did I Say That on the Internet and When Will I Learn Not to Mention Boobs in My Posts?” Moments of 2012

#1: The crazed acknowledgment of the time my cat became an artist (pronounced arteest), complete with a movie poster. Because all respectable prodigious cats have movies about their distinguished lives. And all respectable prodigious cat owners take the time to make movie posters for said prodigious cats.

#2: Divulging clinical symptoms of new homeowneritis, including but not limited to me wearing a lampshade on my head. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more awkward.

#3: Discussing stool in conjunction with a stool makeover. It should have been a totally normal day on my blog. But apparently the word ‘stool’ is just too much for me to handle, as made evident by my multiple awkward references to potty business.

#4: Discussing bras in conjunction with an oversized ampersand. This is another post that should have been totally normal. But of course I had to go ruin it by mentioning lingerie.

#5: Explaining a chandelier update, and simultaneously going down the endowment path. Again. Some people never learn.

#6: Shameless promotion of shelves full of things I found in someone else’s trash. It’s a sickness.

#7: Comparing our “grown-up” bedroom makeover to bedrooms of yore, including one of my dorm rooms. Kittens. Teacups. Scary.

#8: Repeatedly confessing my love for Enchanted and forever sealing my nerdy princess fate by sharing the events in this post.

#9: Scoring a 10/10 on the Delusion Meter when it comes to having claws and vinyl-upholstered furniture in the same house. Hint: it doesn’t work. Your DIY ottoman will be destroyed.

#10: The post you just read…ensuring that nobody ever, ever, ever forgets these moments. Like, ever. (ohheyTaylorSwiftsongreferencefeelfreetosingalong)

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Happy New Year, everyone! :)

***Linking this up to Southern Hospitality***

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With Bling

It is a well-known fact that glitter makes everything better. Had glitter been present at the following, there is good reason to believe that all would have been drastically improved:

• the stock market crash of 1929
• journeying west along the Oregon Trail
• the debut of the leisure suit.

It goes without saying, then, that glitter also improves Christmas presents.

My gifts will be wrapped in brown paper until I am 94 years old. Why? Because we got the giant roll of brown paper at Home Depot for like $8 and barely put a dent in it.

I will also be picking glitter out of my pores until I am 94 years old. At that point, it may get mixed in with my denture cream. But since glitter makes everything better, this is all very acceptable.

By the way, I bought all of the fabulously glitzy ribbon the week before Christmas when it was already 70% off at Joann’s, proving once and for all that waiting until the last minute occasionally pays off.

Aaaand not to be outranked by shiny stuff, Zoe decided to park her furry butt in the gifts as we tried to wrap them, and then chomped on the paper. We do feed her, really.

Have you improved anything with glitter lately? What’s your wrapping design of choice? I hope everyone had a peaceful and healthy Christmas!

The Christmas Mantel That Almost Wasn’t

Do you ever feel like you’ve seen something before?

Do you ever feel like you’ve seen something before?*

*I did that in case you answered NO and were envious of all the fine folks who experience déjà vu on a hauntingly frequent basis like when they tell their cat to stop eating the Christmas tree and then five seconds later she is all up in it like white on rice and they tell her to stop eating it. Again.

That’s how I feel when I look at Christmas Mantel 2012, aka The Mantel That Almost Wasn’t Because Erin Parachuted Into a Distant Land Far Removed From Blogging and Christmas Decorating and No She Is Not Pregnant In Case You Were Wondering.

With the green + silver + natural theme going on again, it is basically the more petite, conservative sister of last year’s “fantel.” The petite, conservative sister who waits until the last minute to pick out her clothes and almost goes to the Christmas work party in her pajamas. The petite, conservative sister who may leave her sparse Christmas decorations up until March because she waited so long to get them out in the first place. The petite, conservative sister who is not planning on actually hanging any ornaments on her tree this year.

You know, that sister.

I don’t know her personally.

In terms of notable genetic mantel differences: the fake pinecones and the “When Love Came Down” shadow box were not at last year’s family gathering. I made the words using my Cricut (on silver cardstock—the font is Chunk Five). It was fast and easy. Lazy Girl’s Guide to the Holidays is the theme of this year’s Christmas décor.

Except, wait.

My mantel might be late, lazy, and the less-styled version of last year’s.

But that’s not what this season is all about. (Duh, Erin.)

This season is so much bigger and better than just a time of year when people camp out at malls and drown their yards in inflatable Santas and accidentally on purpose forget to hang ornaments on their tree. It is the time of year we celebrate Love coming down. And I can’t tell you how many times I have already looked at my lazy frame and been reminded of that.

When love came down. Four simple words that changed the world.

Four simple words that I am happy to see, and remember, over and over again.

Bring on the déjà vu.