Kenley Gets Chummy with Better Homes & Gardens

So this totally normal thing happened on Tuesday: some people showed up with a bunch of camera equipment and took pictures of my baby girl’s room.

This is me calmly handling this totally normal event:

I think at the time this photo was taken, Stacey and Evan (the camera crew…we’re on a first-name basis) were contemplating how to tell Kristine, the amazing stylist, that she couldn’t take Kenley back to Boston with her. Kristine was contemplating how to inform Kenley that the mysterious foreign substance she was gripping in her chubby baby fingers was hair.

It kills me that these pictures are so noisy. Next time a national magazine makes the mistake of thinking my home should grace its pages and Rick tells me to fix the camera settings before he takes the pictures, I will listen.

Anyway, you can see that one of us got to wear ruffle-butt pants and the other wore lip gloss for like the first time ever.

Kristine: You’ll just want to wear lipstick a bit darker than your normal color.

Me: What is lipstick?

Listening to and watching the crew work their magic was the best part. Pouf too tall for the photo? No problem; just take out some of the stuffing. Closet curtain too wrinkly? No problem; take one panel down. Crib not angled properly? No problem; prop it up with some 2x4s.

Kristine arrived Monday to talk through some things and help pick out our outfits. You can see from the different pictures that Kenley had a wardrobe change after her first nap; they decided that the pink was washing her out too much (what? a baby of mine? pale? no.) so Kristine magically reached into her closet and selected the new outfit. You should know that she did not, as my stylist, recommend the toothbrush be part of my outfit.

The equipment itself was also pretty impressive. Not that I expected them to show up with their camera phone or something, but, you know. Still.

After the shoot was over, Kristine interviewed me for the little blurb that will accompany the photo. I had another What is lipstick moment when she asked what my decorating style was. Um? I don’t know? Wing-it-and-hope-it-works? Sounds about right.

In sum, the day was pretty lame. And by lame, I mean hands-down one of the coolest days ever, after Kenley’s birth and stuff, and I am so thankful to have had this experience. Rick was thrilled that he got to be there, and we are all so excited to see the final print version. My mom plans to stand in the supermarket aisle and direct all traffic to her “famous” granddaughter…who will be autographing copies in drool, should anyone be interested. ;)

Guess what. {Sort of really big news that rhymes with “sweater gnomes and lard pins”.}

Is it just me, or whenever you see someone say “I have big news!” do you automatically assume it means they are pregnant? You know, unless they are male. Or 97. Or male AND 97.

But seriously…I have big news. And I’m not pregnant. (Or male, incidentally.) Guess what it is?

You’ll never guess. So I’ll give you a hint.

It rhymes with sweater gnomes and lard pins.

It rhymes with sweater gnomes and lard pins coming to my house to take pictures of Kenley’s raindrops wall for the “I Did It” page of the July issue.

You’re probably thinking this is an April Fool’s joke. It’s not an April Fool’s joke. Whoopee cushions and fake spiders are more my jam. (Nope, not true.)

Anyway, my first reaction to the email from the BH&G editor: this is some kind of ridiculous joke. I fully expected masked crusaders to jump out of the walls and announce that I’d been punk’d. When no such crusaders appeared, I began cleaning. Furiously. Just in case BH&G planned to show up in a few minutes or something. As it turns out, they’re coming in just a couple of weeks. I’m going to begin doing my hair now to make sure it doesn’t look like a dead animal. Good idea? And Kenley is already practicing her best magazine model faces.

And I’m practicing my best faces, too.

I’ll be sure to share all the silly details, like when they show up and are all like, “Oops, we made a mistake and meant to go to someone else’s house; sorry.” Because seriously. My house has no business being in a magazine. Unless that magazine is actually called Sweater Gnomes and Lard Pins. (Riveting stuff, right there.)

Until then:

Eeeeeeeek!

 

P.S. I realize I excel at the art of blog abandonment. I hope to get back into a blogging routine—again—shortly. I’ve been a little distracted by a separate business venture. That sounds shady….but I assure you it’s not shady. I’ll share more soon!