The Quasi-Improved (But Mostly Just Chewed Up) Ottoman.

Somebody give me an F for bloggy follow-through. Accompany it with the report card comment “Long-term assignments have not been completed.” The long-term assignment I am referring to, of course, is our ottoman, which we were secretly working on when I posted this  elusive vlog in February. (Shame.) The good news is, it’s finally done.

The bad news is, it’s only quasi-improved.

But let’s rewind. The last time this little blog saw that ottoman, mullets were acceptable it looked like this:

But the last time we saw it like that, it also looked like this:

Thank you, smallish felines with sharp claws and an insatiable need to scratch on everything in the house except the perfectly scratchable scratching post.

So being perfectly smart owners of the aforementioned felines, we decided it was time to replace the fabric. I had only spent $3 a yard on it the old stuff in the first place, so I joyfully headed out to Joann Fabrics and purchased white marine vinyl for wipeability and because I was apparently on some drug that made me think that my clawed beasts wouldn’t like it. I draped it over the ottoman for several days to see if said clawed beasts would unleash their terror on it.

They snubbed it. Nary a claw was in sight. My psychotic faith in the goodness of cats was maintained. Hooray.

So we proceeded with the reupholster process, which we did following the same steps that we did the first time. This time, though, we also made buttons for the tufts to add a little more polish to the top.

At some point during this process, we realized that we liked our living room much better without a giant hulk of ottoman plunked in the middle of it. So we moved it to the foot of our bed.

Rick also ingeniously added some scrap wood to the underside of the lid so that it can’t slide around anymore and fits snugly in place. The underside of the lid is also how we and the rest of the world know that we made it ourselves. We considered finishing it off somehow to make it look more professional, but, nope. My mindset of choice is delusion, remember, not professionalism.

Delusion Meter: 10/10

And everyone lived happily ever after with their shiny new ottoman. THE END!

Except…not.

At some point in these many months, our pet blur has developed a chewing habit.

We thought we were getting a kitten, but apparently we got a dog. Or a hamster. This is what Zoe did to a pristine paper bag in less than a week’s time:

This is what she did to the cardboard apartment that we made for them to play in:

Aaaaand this is what she has done to the corners of our poor, defeated ottoman.

Which is why our shiny new ottoman is only quasi-improved. Which is why I am probably totally lame for buying vinyl in the first place. Which is why I’m fairly certain we should just give up now and swath our home in tin foil.

Do your pets insist on placing their mark on your house? Have you ever left a project 90% completed for four entire months like we did? Do you ever make inappropriate decisions about appropriate purchases while under spells of delusion and insanity?