2.27.2012

When I grow up, I want to name paint colors.

I head back to work today after a week off. This day is always rough. To ease the pain, I thought I’d give you unsolicited details about my dream job, which doesn’t, incidentally, involve teenagers, teenagers’ parents, and committees named PBIS and AXDRFQ and HETOPLYR (fellow teachers, can I get an amen?).

Now, this might be the word geek in me coming out, but seriously: when I grow up, I want to name paint colors. This is my dream job. I realize that makes me a nerd. Or does it? It’s probably a very glamorous career where you sit around sipping imported oolong tea all day, with some inspirational Chopin lilting in the background, while staring at color after color and gleaning inspiration from everything around you. Probably. And you probably eat sundaes like this one made of real gold every day:

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Anyway, when I get that job, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, here are ten paint color names that stood out to me on a recent rifle through my collection of paint chips. Inspiration for, you know, when I am hired by Martha Stewart to name her paint.

1. Adolescence, Olympic. Murky, uncertain. That cloudy part of your life you’d like to forget. Waffles between blue, gray, purple. Identify crisis at its finest. Sounds like adolescence to me.

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2. Semi-Sweet, Valspar. Semi-black and semi-brown. And I do love my chocolate. I’d eat this paint chip, except that would be weird. Weirder than the fact that I’m writing a post about this paint chip.

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3. Pool Party, Benjamin Moore. Fun. I’ll bring the inflatable seahorse lounge.

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4. Anonymous, Behr. Sort of a forgettable, nameless color.

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5. Egg Yolk, Martha Stewart. Some of my favorites are from Martha. But who’s surprised that she’s got some clever person naming her paint chips, in between gold sundaes?

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6. Chinchilla, Martha Stewart. You don’t often see animal names on paint chips. Something about how nobody wants semi-gloss Warthog’s Breath on their walls.

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7. Glass Slipper, Benjamin Moore. Delicate with just a whisper of translucent blue, like glass. It’s perfect. I think Cinderella would agree.

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8. Temptation, Benjamin Moore. It’s dark and magnetic. Sounds like temptation to me.

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9. Charismatic, Behr. You can’t ignore this color, that’s for sure.

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10.Baritone, Behr. A music reference! A deep color, but not the deepest in existence. The deepest color would be Bass. Lightest, Soprano. (Martha, are you reading?)

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Sigh. Color meets words. I can dream, right?

What’s your dream job? What’s the best color name you’ve come across, whether on paint or something else? Anyone know anyone who works for a paint company? If so, please advise on the presence of sundaes and tea.

22 comments :

  1. That would be a fun job! When choosing paint, I find I have to like both the paint color and the paint color name.

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  2. My bedroom ceiling is "Cream in my Coffee"....Valspar. Makes me crave doughnuts.

    I'd name colors with you...except most of mine would end up being sarcastic. ;)

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  3. This would be an amazing job! As a kid, I always got a kick out of the Crayola crayons and their names. My favorite was macaroni and cheese.

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  4. That definitely would be a fun job! Like Kristen I also always loved the colour names on crayons.

    This was a really fun post idea- thanks for sharing!

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  5. Haha. I can totally see you doing this! Martha needs you. My dream job would probably be owning my own (non-cake) bakery. Cookies, pasteries, and pies oh my!

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  6. Well you can have that job and I'll take the job of naming nail polish. I love them! I don't know about in the US but in Canada the Benjamin Moore franchise owners make the name decisions. Perks of the job!

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    1. Ooh yes that’s another fun thing to name! Candles would be fun, too. Or soap! Now…how does one go about becoming a BM franchise owner? Do they consider applicants with teaching degrees? :P

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  7. When you get that job, will you hire me to work for you? That would be SO fun.

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  8. Naming paint colors sounds like quite the awesome job.

    Have you ever seen the movie "Catch and Release" with Jennifer Garner? Someone in that movie has the job of writing the saying for Celestial Seasonings and I always thought that would be a great job. I would have 1 simple problem though-I'm not a very creative writer. Boo and hiss.

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  9. Ooh, glass slipper might be just the paint I need for a post I'm working on... I just found your blog two days ago and I have to say I really love it. Keep up the good work, can't wait to see more!

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  10. I love this post! So fun! I love the names of paint colors too....once I painted our bathroom a super bright crazy green called "Carolina Parakeet." I'll never forget the name! I bet you'd be great at naming paint!

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  11. What an awesome job! I'm not creative enough to think of this stuff, but it still sounds fun!

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  12. Haha! It sounds like a fun job! I'm rooting for you ;) I really like that first one called adolescence. That's such a perfect name for a moody looking gray!

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  13. If "Adolescence" is moody blue and murky, I'd guess that "Tween" is a jazzy hot pink or maybe a neon green?

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    1. Absolutely!! I love it! And "Elderly" would smell like Ponds and denture cream instead of like chemicals that you don't want to inhale. Do you think Martha could work that in? ;)

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  14. That would be a pretty cool job! Sundaes and tea would be an added bonus. Some of those names are so fun. I'm sad that all the ones we used in our house are pretty boring - Bird's Egg, Antiguan Sky, Feather Gray, Metallic Silver. Boo to boring paint names. My dream job would include craft supplies and wine. When I figure out what that looks like, I will let you know.

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  15. I want to be a Ben and Jerry's ice cream tester. Mmm, ice cream.

    I love paint names too. I think you'd be excellent at this career. I wonder how one gets such a position.

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  16. (Can't work to Chopin, he makes me wanna dance...)
    Love "glass slipper"! Could totally have every room painted that color & not get sick of it.

    Lately, for some odd reason, all the paints I've been picking up at the Depot for Home to use in small projects have the same name: "OOPS"...

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  17. Have you ever noticed the names of nail polish, specifically OPI? They are hilarious.

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  18. i always love reading the names too! I always say my dream job would be to flip houses...but paint color naming would probably be a little less stressful! Also on the list- pizza tester, travel writer, food network star :)

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  19. Anonymous3/09/2012

    That is want I want to be when I grow up too! I have said this so many times - I just love the names and wonder where they come up with some of them. It must be too many sundaes while working - lol!

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  20. Ah ha ha ha, this is the best post ever!

    ~Bliss~

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