Sometimes, my mind is boggled. Like when we’re discussing political parties and my students decide that the two major parties in the United States are the Democrats and the Americans. Or when I see signs like this:
Ooooor when I am innocently scrolling through Craigslist and all of a sudden I scream in fright.
Behold: a recent round-up of seven lighting specimens that will die on Craigslist…because nobody will buy them. Unless they are going to play a cruel practical joke on someone.
1. Giant Greek Goddess. Stands at a towering 76” tall and basically a steal at a mere $550. That’s only $7.24 per inch. Says the seller: “I’ve never seen anything like it, but it must be worth a lot!” Yeah, okay.
2. Carousel of Non-Progress. I don’t know what to make of the giant protruding bulbs. They hardly seem kid-friendly. I wonder if it actually revolves around like a real carousel?
3. Moldy Beehive. This has been listed and relisted for over a year. It is like the song that never ends. And for some reason, the sellers occasionally increase the price. Maybe they know something about selling moldy beehives that I don’t. Admittedly, I am no expert.
4. Dead Orange Chicken. My friends and I went through a boa phase when we were in middle school. We probably would have wanted 10 of these lamps each.
5. Cookie. Don’t get me wrong. I like cookies. But not enough to decorate with them. (Rick does that every time he has a snack on the couch, anyway. HiRickIloveyou.) Besides, it would just make me want cookies all the time.
6. Question Mark. Because I’m not sure what this is supposed to be. Perhaps it’s modern art, you know the kind, where it looks like a blob and yet art critics stand back and find all sorts of deep meaning in it. Ah yes; now I see it. It is a poor farmer planting crops under the light of the yellow moon, with a tsunami brewing dark and dangerous in the distance.
And last but not least:
7. Deer Feet. Real ones. BLEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Excuse me while I squirm. I’d never be able to function in a room with deer foot lamps.
Now, usually I can find potential in
hideous unusual things if there is potential to be found. But I’m coming up short.
How about you? Anyone think any of these are salvageable? Who has cash to burn and wishes there were two of that first Greek goddess one? If you had to choose just one with which to start a bonfire, which would you pick?