Garbage-Picking in Key West (and Other More Conventional Methods of Obtaining Souvenirs)

Friends, my garbage-picking has hit an all-time low. Or high? I’ll let you decide. It all began when we were strolling through the streets of sunny Key West, looking at amazingly cool trees like this…

…when we came across another wonder that took my breath away: a pile…on the curb….that said FREE. (It has been proven that exaggeration of standard reactions increases by at least 75% when in the presence of free stuff.)

Now, I’m not one to turn down someone else’s free garbage on the streets of the slightly-less-exotic town that I live in, so I wasn’t about to pass up someone’s free Key West garbage. I wanted that turquoise crate that you can see at the bottom of the last picture, but I couldn’t figure out how to get it onto the airplane without dismantling it and/or pretending it was my hat and/or setting it on fire and bringing it back as ashes, none of which seemed to be particularly effective solutions. So, instead, I found something small that I could easily smuggle: glass tealight holders.

They’re nothing fancy, but they came from a garbage pile in Key West. And that makes them much more exciting. Exciting to me, at least. Rick’s eyes may have rolled once or twice during the scavenging process.

All cleaned up and as good as new!

In terms of more conventionally acquired souvenirs, I bought a $5 sundress in some tourist trap store (what can I say; I gravitate toward high-end merchandise) and two pashminas sans tax on our cruise ship. I’ve never owned a pashmina and mainly just enjoy saying that word. It makes me feel fancy, and not at all like someone who buys $5 sundresses in stores that also sell underwear that says things like “The Fartbeat of America”…

…and t-shirts that say “Shut Up and Fart.” Does that even make sense? It’s not as though farting and gabbing are connected. I mean, I don’t think they are, last I checked. Not that I check.

Moving on.

As far as souvenirs not involving flatulence, we bought these hand-carved wooden animals in Jamaica.

I wanted something authentic as opposed to “authentically Jamaican made in China” and these guys seemed to fit the bill. We even met the artist of the owl! Look, her name and the year are carved into the bottom:

Not that I can read what that says, of course; for all I know, the artist’s name is Cacao Dill and it was carved in, well, China.

Have you garbage-picked outside of your hometown? What’s the best souvenir that you’ve ever gotten? Who’s going to run out and buy “Fartbeat of America” attire for the upcoming patriotic holidays?