Let’s play a game of Three Truths and a Lie, shall we?
1. I’ve never sent a text message.
2. I’ve never had a cavity.
3. I can touch my nose with my tongue.
4. I know how to open a bucket of joint compound.
#1-3 are all true. #4 is the lie. The big, big lie. In fact, a bucket of joint compound recently spent 22 minutes laughing at me.
True story.
But before I tell that story, I need to tell the necessary boring backstory. Basically, we’ve moved on from our closet for now and are focusing on the living room. This involves putting up a new ceiling because the original plaster one wasn’t in good shape, and after doing some research, (This Old House to the rescue) we decided that drywalling over it would be the best thing to do. That was done last weekend, and now I am in charge of mudding the cracks because Rick is playing the piano for the local high school musical (Legally Blonde!)and has pit band rehearsal just about every night of the week from now until the end-of-March performance. And I want my living room back. End of boring backstory.
I now present you:
22 Minutes in the Life of Erin
Or, Why Erin Needs Muscles, and Serious Help in General.
7:01. Locate giant 4.5 gallon bucket of joint compound to begin mudding the drywall cracks. Flex lack of muscles.
7:02. Attempt to move giant bucket of joint compound. Fail miserably. Think I hear soft giggling. Blame it on the cats.
7:03. Attempt to move giant bucket of joint compound again. Take a rest after moving said bucket approximately 3.72 inches.
7:06. Finally move giant bucket of joint compound the four feet into the living room.
7:07. Contemplate the need to begin lifting weights.
7:08. Notice that a safety strip needs to be pried off of the lid.
7:09. Pull on the safety strip. Pull on the safety strip again. Pull on the safety strip again and possibly detect faint snickering. Blame it on the cats.
7:11. Realize that merely pulling on the safety strip is doing nothing. Sit on the bucket and yank on the safety strip with hands tucked in sleeves because it hurts.
7:13. Fully remove safety strip with a flourishing final yank. Instant cat toy, ideal for tug-of-war.
7:14. Attempt to remove the lid. Wonder why it won’t move. Hear definite cackling emanating from someplace to the left of the instructions for use.
7:15. Realize that the little plastic sections around the edge need to be snapped up. Attempt to snap one up. Pull hands away in fear of breaking a finger. Catch a hee-haw.
7:16. Sit on the bucket and attempt to snap the sides up. Glare in the direction of the hee-haw.
7:18. Stand on bucket and attempt to snap the sides up. Shake my fist at the hee-haw.
7:20. Get the crowbar and attempt to snap the sides up. Hear a full belly laugh.
7:22. Slip with the crowbar and slice finger open. Cast a withering glance at the giggling bucket and smack it with the crowbar.
7:23. Give up and write this post instead.
THE END
You seriously crack me up. Hilarious. I find it particularly amusing that the bucket says lightweight on the front of it.
ReplyDeletehahaha a total misnomer...
DeleteI cannot stop laughing!!! You are too funny!
ReplyDeleteI would have ended up in the fetal position bawling my eyes out until Nate got home. You, obviously, use your time more wisely by blogging about it.
ReplyDeleteThat joint compound needs to learn some manners!
Been there. I now keep a small pair of vice grip pliers around to pull *easy tear* strips....and find that the crow bar does a pretty good job...just be careful that you position it under the tab and pry slooooowly....
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at minutes 7:01-23.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't the cats or the compound. No. No. It was me.
But some back into it, girl!
As for truths 1-3. I finally found our differences...sort of.
Since you asked, I will tell you.
#1 - I have sent a text, but I don't like to. I don't have a text plan. It costs me money to receive a text that I didn't ask for (Grrrr! Call me people! Email me! And no, I don't want to know that you buy junk cars or have a carpet cleaning service - "SPAM" stuff, obvi.) However, as an iPhone geek, with the latest software update, you can text for FREEEEEEEEE to anyone else...with an iPhone...and the latest software update. Am I boring you yet? If you don't have an iPhone...disregard entirely. (Basically, if the text msg. is blue, it's free. If it's green, it costs money. Green. Money. Get it?)
#2 - I didn't have a cavity until I had babies (after all 3 of them...by 25.) You know the old wives tale: have a baby, lose a tooth? Basically true. They suck the calcium from you. So greedy! (Moral: don't have a baby...OR...have a baby and go to the dentist...and eat lots of CHEEEEEESE.)
#3 - I CAN, in fact, touch my tongue to my nose. It's weird.
#4 - I may be little, but I have amazing upper body strength. Don't mess with me.
This concludes the longest. comment. ever.
You're welcome.
P.S. You need a blog button. If you don't make one, I will make one for you. And you will like it. That is not a request. The end.
ReplyDeleteI love you so much! BWAHAHAHAHAA!!!
ReplyDeleteStupid giant tubs of things. They're all evil.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Your hilarious! I hope your finger is ok! And I can't believe that you've never sent a text message?!?!
ReplyDeleteNope! We're possibly the only ones on the planet, I know. :) My students can't believe it either. One girl asked me how I lived. :P
Delete*You're* I'm so sorry. That last comment's poor grammar probably offended you and your English teaching ways...
ReplyDeletehaha no worries! I see worse mistakes. Like "testes" instead of "tests." True story.
DeleteI feel your pain! What, no ripped off fingernails in the process to go with your slice? Those buckets are AWFUL. We recently got jam that had a similar method to open it, and even though it didn't weigh as much and wasn't as bulky, I was no more successful at opening that!
ReplyDeleteI spent most of my life without any more than the tiny cavity I got when I was 6, but after my kids came, that changed for me, too. I never made a connection to those 2 things before I read Gail's comment.
I'm not a fan of texting, but it's useful in too many circumstances, so I admit I'd miss it. I can contact someone without being afraid their phone will ring or I'll bother them at an inconvenient moment. Good for getting a message to my kids at college.
I can't do the tongue and nose trick, but I have to say I don't think it's negatively limited my life. ;-)
So so funny! I've had the very same experience...why o why? And it hurts, not just emotionally but physically too. I feel your pain and am laughing with you not at you. Good luck if you attempt it again.
ReplyDeleteYou are hysterical. I had these same experience with a 5 gallon bucket of paint with the same stupid lid. I did not blog about it. Instead, I cried and kicked and am now admitting that for the world to read in this comment. I hate those buckets.
ReplyDeleteMe too!! What is up with those lids?! Rick says it’s supposed to keep the goo fresh. I’m guessing it was invented by a man. We need to get women on these committees…
DeleteAnd I have also never had a cavity and can touch my nose with my tongue :) I do text...more than I probably care to admit.
ReplyDeleteI've been there! And unfortunately did not have the sense of humor about the experience to write such a funny post about it. Side note: hanging drywall over a plaster ceiling could not have been much fun either :(
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better I've had a similar experience. I was ready to use my teeth to gnaw through the top!
ReplyDeletehates "E*Z-Open" lids! I break more nails trying to get into our bucket of Costco laundry detergent...
ReplyDeleteSeriously, ceiling work is b.a.d. news. My arms are already empathetically aching. (...unless, that is, Rick lies on his back a la Michelangelo & the Sistine Chapel...)
I think there's some sadistic bucket engineer out there laughing at us all. They're probably in cahoots w/ those brutes who thought up impossible-to-open plastic packages. Ever see a kids birthday party not ruined by a frantic parent trying to open one of those? ;)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, awwwww! This made me laugh, but I totally know the frustration that comes with stuff like this in the moment. At least you can laugh about it now!!
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! Very entertaining! I agree though- definitely invented by a man. I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteYep, I would've given up and taken it as a sign that the entire job was meant to be completed by Andy and is obviously out of my league. I just would have reached that point at around 7:02. This post cracked me up, because I KNOW the laugh emanating from that joint compound.
ReplyDeleteHowdy! I have seen that the RSS of this website is working in a right way, did you fulfill all the properties by yourself or you just left the original settings of this widget?
ReplyDeleteI know this is a really old post but we use buckets with that kind of lid for storage and there's a tool fo opening them, my husband got it from work so I'd assume a restaurant supply store or a hardware store would have it.
ReplyDelete