When I grow up, I want to name paint colors.

I head back to work today after a week off. This day is always rough. To ease the pain, I thought I’d give you unsolicited details about my dream job, which doesn’t, incidentally, involve teenagers, teenagers’ parents, and committees named PBIS and AXDRFQ and HETOPLYR (fellow teachers, can I get an amen?).

Now, this might be the word geek in me coming out, but seriously: when I grow up, I want to name paint colors. This is my dream job. I realize that makes me a nerd. Or does it? It’s probably a very glamorous career where you sit around sipping imported oolong tea all day, with some inspirational Chopin lilting in the background, while staring at color after color and gleaning inspiration from everything around you. Probably. And you probably eat sundaes like this one made of real gold every day:

Anyway, when I get that job, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, here are ten paint color names that stood out to me on a recent rifle through my collection of paint chips. Inspiration for, you know, when I am hired by Martha Stewart to name her paint.

1. Adolescence, Olympic. Murky, uncertain. That cloudy part of your life you’d like to forget. Waffles between blue, gray, purple. Identify crisis at its finest. Sounds like adolescence to me.

2. Semi-Sweet, Valspar. Semi-black and semi-brown. And I do love my chocolate. I’d eat this paint chip, except that would be weird. Weirder than the fact that I’m writing a post about this paint chip.

3. Pool Party, Benjamin Moore. Fun. I’ll bring the inflatable seahorse lounge.

4. Anonymous, Behr. Sort of a forgettable, nameless color.

5. Egg Yolk, Martha Stewart. Some of my favorites are from Martha. But who’s surprised that she’s got some clever person naming her paint chips, in between gold sundaes?

6. Chinchilla, Martha Stewart. You don’t often see animal names on paint chips. Something about how nobody wants semi-gloss Warthog’s Breath on their walls.

7. Glass Slipper, Benjamin Moore. Delicate with just a whisper of translucent blue, like glass. It’s perfect. I think Cinderella would agree.

8. Temptation, Benjamin Moore. It’s dark and magnetic. Sounds like temptation to me.

9. Charismatic, Behr. You can’t ignore this color, that’s for sure.

10.Baritone, Behr. A music reference! A deep color, but not the deepest in existence. The deepest color would be Bass. Lightest, Soprano. (Martha, are you reading?)

Sigh. Color meets words. I can dream, right?

What’s your dream job? What’s the best color name you’ve come across, whether on paint or something else? Anyone know anyone who works for a paint company? If so, please advise on the presence of sundaes and tea.